March 31, 2010


Do you ever have days where you feel like the top of your head is about to blow off??
And you just find the smallest things getting to you, to the point you can also end up in tears?  See the problem is, is that I am not a cleaner
....I mean I clean but I am not the type of person where my house is spotless.  I don't walk around cleaning all day everyday, it's not me and never has been, but I am really struggling with our new puppy constantly peeing on the floor.  I know they do it and I know they grow out of it but it grosses me out.  Even though I mop it afterwards the thought of walking through that area again even though it's clean just makes me ill, not to mention when you have a crawling toddler that's the last thing you want him crawling through.

Well last night hubby was putting M to sleep in our room, so the dog was with me and asleep on the rug on the floor.  I walked into the kitchen, opened the dishwasher door, put a plate in, turned around and there the dog had crapped on the floor in that split second I had my back turned.  I was still realing from cleaning up the pee 30 mins before that.  If my head could of exploded it would have, it was like someone had put my head in a vice.  For most people that know me I struggle cleaning up any animal crap or any type of spew....yes funny coming from a mother of a toddler but honestly I turn green and start dry reaching, so with hubby putting M to sleep guess who had to clean it up!!  I think by the time I cleaned it I was nano seconds away from bringing up dinner and needless to say that ruined my craving of having chocolate chip icecream for dessert !!!

March 30, 2010

My Effort

M and I played blocks on Sunday...mummy makes things and M destroys them.  Funny thing is he won't touch them unless someone is making something but then it's only to destroy it in 2 second and not make anything.  This is my effort
I think they are some type of space person lol.

March 28, 2010

His little Traits

My little man has certainly found his feet now.  Over the past couple of days he has started walking using his toys that are on wheels such as his big car, train etc.  He's up and down the hall way, around the couch infact anywhere where there is floor boards and he is loving it!  Up until lately he has only been walking around the couch or furniture but lately he has been pushing the diningroom chairs around just being a little more confident.  Hubby thinks he will be walking around by himself by the end of April and I tend to agree.  Today while we were in the bathroom waiting for his bath to fill he let go of the side of the bath and just stood there for the longest time yet, I just kept yelling clever boy, clever boy, I think by the way I was carrying on he was walking on water lmao. 
I can't believe he is 19 months old or 15 months corrected.  He's come so far and is such a head strong little thing.  Speaking to other preemie mothers this seems to be a common thing.  They know what they want to do and just go for it, like there is no fear what so ever.  I remember when he was still in hospital and had just got over his pneumonia and we knew he was going to survive, I would send SMS updates to my parents onhow he was going and for a whole there he was just putting his foot down as to say I want out of here.  I remember dad sending a reply of "he'll be reading the newspaper next" and as much as it put a smile on my face that's the type of baby he was..... and no he hasn't read a newspaper yet but likes to look through it when daddy is reading, which results with parts of it being spread across the floor. 

He throws anything he can get his hands on in the empty bath.  He can start of with 7 of the balls he plays with in his playroom and by the end of the day most of them plus other things are in the bath.  If you pull it out for him he only throws it back it, so have learn't first don't follow him in or he whinges at you until you get them out for him to just throw them in again and 2 just leave it all in there till the end of the day and then you can collect it all together and just put it back in his playroom.

I have to laugh at the way they still test you...lets see if I cry if she will come running even though nothing has happened to me!  Sometimes he will do what sounds like a real cry so I do go running only to see the smile come on the face as soon as I have picked him up, or then there's the she's not paying any attention to me so I will do a angry groan where he goes red in the face and stiffens up....I nearly wet myself laughing.  He does try though so I will give him credit.
He loves the computer, if its turned off he doesn't want a bar of it and when it's on he will find anyway of trying to touch it.  Oh mum look over there he is saying in his head while I touch your computer and do something to it that you can't work out how to fix.  Lately he's been coming over and wanting to sit on my lap, he will then slowly more his hand closer.  If you move it away he will start stretch his arm out, you move it more he will stretch more but he does it slowly so he thinks its not so obvious and if you leave it for a second he is onto it and now knows where the power button is..there ya go mum, there's payback for not letting me touch it in the first place!

March 26, 2010

Empty Head & Other Blogs

Do you ever come and sit in front of the computer ready to Blog and then all of a sudden all the thoughts you had are gone
I mean I can be thinking of yep that would be good to talk about, but then either forgetting what you wanted to say or not even know how to start it or sometimes in my case get distracted, come back and it all over lol.  I have read alot of Blogs and some people were just born to do it.  They can express exactly how they feel or opinions and have people in fits of laughter everytime. 
I was never good at writing essays or doing talks whilst at school, infact I am not a person that can go into a room and start chatting to complete strangers but to most people they say I am such a confident person....not really I just hide it well.

I have to admit though it's ALOT harder to Blog now that I am no longer fighting my infertility.  Writing down your feelings, thoughts etc were alot easier when it was all about your cycles, IVF transfers, BFN's, hate etc.  I think my problem is that I would still like those that are still on the roller coaster of IF to keep reading, thus if I continually write about my son that I am going to scare them away ... although i don't have a hugh following as it is.  I knew what it was like for me when I was still TTCing my first, reading about others having children was gutt wrenching but maybe it's me that still hasn't got over it??

I love reading other peoples thoughts/lives, some good, some bad and some horrific that I don't know how they even Blog.  I look forward to logging on everyday when my son is having his sleep and going through my Blog list and reading whats happening in your life today, may sound weird but it's almost like being adicted to a soapie but this is someones real life that they are willing to share with you. 
Maybe I need to have a posting where the readers get to ask me questions or ask me to chat about a topic.....mmmmmmm could be dangerous LMAO.

March 24, 2010

I should really think more into things!

So who's idea was it to agree on getting a puppy.... as cute as they are I think maybe a one yr old is the way to go.  Just today he has pee'd on the floor 9 times including in 3 different rooms with carpet and all after I have bought him inside from just peeing, he has tried to hump my son while he was crawling 3 times, poo'ed once and I have lost count of how many times he has tried to peirce my toes and and ankles.  This morning he had gotten into the dirty clothes and was dragging my undies around.  At least with a toddler he has a nappy on and is yet to bite my ankles.
Yep, yep I know they grow out of it but I am just sick of cleaning pee up off my floor boards before my son comes crawling through.  My hubby has the patients but I am afraid I am one of those people that I think it gets less every year or maybe that comes with working in retail for 20 yrs and 10 of them in Management and mostly of over 25 females.

So hubby has promised to spend most of the weekend with him and start the training.  See my hubby is the GM of The pet loo Australia  so the toilet training starts this weekend!!

March 22, 2010

What a few days!

What a busy past couple of days it's been.  First of all I  turned 39 on Thursday yep last year of the 30's, then Friday I had to go food shopping and clean the house as my parents were coming to stay with us for the weekend, then I Saturday we had to travel over 7 hours round trip to pick up our new pup, then cook dinner for everyone and then on Sunday we had a Family playgroup day in the afternoon where my parents left from.  By the time we got home I was pooped and the house was a mess and for anyone that knows me I HATE house work with a passion

so when it's messier than normal I just want to go and hide lol.

Anyway had a great Birthday.  Was very strange going our shopping without my little man but I knew he was in safe hands with daddy.  It was great to be able to walk into shops where prams don't fit and it's where I spent most of my money so maybe having the pram is saving me money......hmmmmmmmmmm.  One of my readers told me to try shopping without buying anything for M.....I'm a failure just couldn't help myself when I saw cheap trackie pants and PJ's lol.  But I so missed him lol.
When I got home, there was my hubby slaving over a hot stove and oven....he cooked me the best roast, although the stuff he basted it in had smoked up the house that much I thought I'd lost my son and was ready to ring for a light house....but I do love you and very much appreciated that you gave me a day to myself, because when you become a mummy those days are rare or at all.

Well we have a new addition to the family, our fur baby who is a spoodle and 8 weeks old.  Honestly I have only had him home today for the first day without my hubby and having a toddler and a pup is a killer.  M isn't sure about the pup, the pup jumps all over M, M ends up in tears and trying to climb up my legs, then I have to remember to take the pup outside to wee and even when he does wee he still comes inside and does it.  I think it would be easier to just put a nappy on him.  He will eventually go to work with hubby but he is home for a while just to get use to his suroundings.....will I last the stint...

March 17, 2010

Last Day of 38

Well today is my last day of being 38, tomorrow the big 39.  I have become quiet attached to 38, we've become good friends and it sounds kinder than 39 don't you think?  To me 38 sounds ALOT younger than 39 but OMG I don't even want to talk about next that scares the crappers out of me.
I have really started to notice my body aging this year but some of it I could of prevented with moisturising but I am way to lazy not to mention ass much as they say non-greasy formula or lotion you would still be able to go slip sliding down a piece of plastic!

Honestly though I'm not a worrier about age but as you do get older you dostart thinking about it more.  I found this when my dad turned 60, it was like 'what the' my dad isn't suppose to be 60 they are suppose to be around forever....but none of us are and we never know when its our time and I have found that reading some Blogs lately.  The amount of cancer/brain tumors is out of control....why in this day and age is there still no cure for these things??

Anyway I am off for a day off shopping tomorrow whilst hubby works from home and looks after Mr M.  I'm going to feel so lost without him and said to hubby that I might have to grab a shopping trolley to compensate for the pram lol, I will even have to dig out a handbag as I normally chuck my stuff in the nappy bag.....LOOK OUT WORLD I AM ON THE LOOSE TOMORROW!!

Little man update.

Well my little man just seems to be getting bigger everytime he wakes up in the morning.  One day you have a 845g or 1 lb 8oz for the US people little baby and next thing you know he is nearly 12kg or 26lb 4 oz.  He thinks it's fantastic that he can now reach things he never use to, although not so fantasic for mummy as my house is starting to look like I am moving out.  I've had to barricade off one room when I found teeth marks in our brand new shutters.... maybe he thought he needed more fibre??  I can tell you not with the teething nappies he's been having for weeks!!

And OMG what is it with teething nappies, who in their right mind invented a human to almost pee their poo out for weeks and the smell.....I've lost count of how many times I gagged, how many change of clothes he went through in a day.  Most of the time I just grabbed him and put him in the bath.  I wanted to gaffa tap the top of his nappy closed but thought it would probably leave a noticeable mark lol.  I actually found myself not eating breakfast until he had done his first poo.  See what my life had turned into, I am talking about poo!  He has 8 teeth.....7 front and 1 back but I think another back one is on it's way which means I am back to lovely nappies again. 
He's such a happy boy and nothing phases him although he does crack it when he can't play with the computer when your on it.  This child finds things on my computer that I never knew existed and then I have to try and figer out how to get rid of it.  If you say no he will pretend to walk away but quickly move the hand in to hit the keys.  My laptop has a light on the power button and he is like a bug on a light at night when he see's them, so if you turn your head for a split second he will push it then give you this look, not the look of it wasn't's the look of yep I did it but you so love me!!
The best thing I am getting now he is getting older is the mummy cuddles.  When I pick him up out of his cot the first thing he does is snuggle his head into my shoulder...I have been waiting 7 years for that.  He still hasn't mastered mum or mumma or even ma it's all still dadda, daddy or dad dad and seems in no hurry to change that.  He's favorite food right now is Fantastic Delites which are little rice crackers and when daddy comes home from work it's a tradition that they go and sit on the couch together and eat them while I get dinner the boys bonding! 
He's not really a TV watcher which is fine with me, although sometimes when I need to get things done I wish he was, but he does have his favorite ads and when he hears them he just drops everything and goes racing to the TV oh and he does like the simpsons & two and a half men themes lol.

I love this age, watching him develop his little personality and was so worth the wait.

March 13, 2010

Support & The Unknown Future

I've been helping a friend who has been going through IVF for about a year now.  When I mean helping I mean supporting her not only emotionally, but also how not to get her hopes up.  Wow that sounds nasty but I think anyone who has done IVF totally understands what I mean.  She actually admitted to me that it's all been helping her and hasn't felt as harsh as when she was doing it alone.  She tends now to take every transfer as it comes and even though a BFN still hurts she says it's just easier to deal with to be able to have someone who has been there before to lean on, slap her side ways and then move on lol.  To be honest I would of loved to have had someone like that and even though I was involved in IVF online groups I never really had anyone to really lean on, don't get me wrong these friends were good but I never had anyone close. 
She's up to her 4th try now and I pray that she doesn't have to do anymore, honestly I would hate for her to start racking up the numbers I did.  It's funny though I still feel the pain when she gets her BFN's because I have experienced that pain first hand, then I wonder if it ever goes away....I mean I have finally achieved my dream but it still effects you in some way but I think I know why....

Well first of all going through 11 IVF transfers is going to effect you in someway
but to tell you the truth I don't think I am finished yet, infact I know I am not finished.  We still have 8 embrio's on ice (my frostie bubs) and the thought of never using them scares me, to think there could be one of them that could give me my third child (remembering I lost my first born).  They are from the same batch as Maxx and if they are anything like him I would have the whole 8 if I could (picture hubby rocking in the corner lol). I turn 39 next week and it's not as easy as saying lets just go for it again.  If I did get pg I would have to have a stitch put in at 13 weeks, then rest for the rest of the pg whilst looking after a what will be a 2 yr old but I guess it's better than last time and that was I was still working 10 hour days.  Then will the stitch hold, will an infection hold off...I think you can see where I am going with this.
I have been told of an abdominal stitch that some women have had instead of the normal cervical stitch.  There are only a few Dr's that do them at the moment but luckly I have heard of one in Melbourne so I am hoping that I qualify for it.  My next step though is convincing hubby to start trying again!

I truely don't blame him for him not wanting to and it all comes down the everything we went through with this pg.  I mean the poor guy had to not have me home for 7 weeks, then the daily stress of not only spending over 11 hrs a day at work but then having to come to the hospital everynight to see me.  Now I stayed at 3 different hospitals over the 7 weeks, one was 15 mins from his work but 2 hrs from home, the second was 1hr & 20min from work but 40 mins from home and the third one which I got transfered to at 24 weeks was 50 mins from his work but 1hr and 10 mins from home.  When he would arrive he would fight from falling asleep as soon as he hit the chair, then put up with me crying because I missed him and wanted to come home, not to mention just the overall stress of keeping this baby alive inside of me.  There was a few times after things happen to me such as a big fluid loss or bleeding that I would loose it and he would come flying from work or home at all hours of the morning just to be with me and to top it off traveling to hospital to see his son in NICU for 153 days.  So there are 2 sides to it, I do understand that but I just would love a brother or sister for Maxx...I've always said I would love 2.

So thats where I am right now, still in a bit of a unknown part of my life but I guess only time will tell.

March 11, 2010

How do you know?

I was out shopping today when I overheard a girl talking about her pregnancy to what seemed like a family friend.  She had just had her 12 week scan and all was ok, but then she said "I can relax now because we've hit the safe stage".  I have to say that yes I did roll my eyes and mumble to myself "are you sure of that", I mean how does she know that.  So do I sound like a mum who gave birth at 25 weeks! 

We just have this thing programed into us that we will all grow up, meet the man of our dreams, get married and have babies, but unfortunatly in the REAL world its not the way it happens to everyone.  I fought for nearly 7 years to have my son and I mean fought and just because I finally achieved my dream doesn't mean it still doesn't effect me in some way, trust me I am not the same person I was 7 years ago and don't think I ever will be again.  Maybe that's a good thing as I was a very shy, quiet person but I have to say IVF has toughened me up although probably probably not the best on the old body with the drugs, then the stitch in the cervix and the c-section and now I have extra wobble on my wobble!

I was speaking to hubby yesterday saying that IVF still hurts and what happens if I had of given up after my 10th transfer........Maxx was my 11th.  I knew we were coming close to the end of our IVF road, as much as I couldn't deal with it I was starting to think that there would come a time where we would say enough, more so for the financial side of it (thank god we don't live in America or we never would of been able to have one go....$$$), I even started to grab leaflets on how to deal with stopping IVF and still being childless.  Lucky for me that I am very pig headed and I mean VERY pig headed and I wasn't ready to give in yet, my motto was 'I was never going to let this thing beat me' and I didn't.

I journaled through my TTCing years and I still go back and read it. It's for M when he gets older, he may not want to read it but it's there if he ever wants it.......or if he annoys the crap out of me when he is a teenager maybe I make him read it for punishment lmao!  I will probably share a bit out of it as I continue to Blog so stay tuned.

March 09, 2010

Beautiful Blogger Award

I want to thank Trying to Bake a Cookie for nominating me for a Beautiful Blogger award.  It means alot because I have been missing in action for awhile.

Here are my instructions:

Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
* Copy the award and place it in your blog
* Link the person who nominated you for this award.
* Tell us 7 interesting things about you
* Nominate 7 bloggers
* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Interesting things about me:

 1) I met my Hubby on yahoo chat.
2) When I stand I stand with both my feet leaning towards the outside.
3) When I walk I point my toes up and alot of my shoes have been reshaped because of this lol.
4) When I was a kid I use to dress up with my friends like the band KISS, including makeup and play the tennis racket as if it was a guitar.
5) I wanted to be a Childcare Teacher
6) I love Subaru WRX's (its the rev head coming out in me)
7) Don't read books...if the first page doesn't grab me that's it, it's all over.  Thus you could say I have just given up lol.

I would like to nominate the following bloggers and if you have had it before I appologies in advance ;-)

1) Adding Peas to Our Pod... as I admire anyone that is on bedrest....being there myself.
2) LifeCanBeAShit ... She has been a wealth of support for me over many many years and I love her to death.
3)Things get IF'fy she has also been a support network to me over a long time.
4) Last Chance IVF Because this woman goes beyond what most of us do.
5) Bottoms Off And On The Table I love this Blog, she thinks the way I use to whilst TTCing but funny enough the feelings still don't go away after you have a child.
6) Crazy lady ramblings A fellow Aussie and also a woman that has endured alot of crap going through IVF.
7) Trouble Down Under Another IVF'er whome also has had to deal with the rollercoaster.

March 07, 2010

Name Change & Don't rub me for luck...

It was a hard choice but I have decided to change my Blogs name…..well really it makes sence too as the Quest I was on has come true. I went with Expecting the Unexpected due to my TTC years and that was – I didn’t expect to be infertile, I didn’t expect to have to go through IVF, I didn’t expect it to take 11 transfers, I didn’t expect a preemie baby, I didn’t expect him to make it to a toddler due to his prematurity and by far I didn’t expect toddler time to be so full on.

I still remember having my first appointment with our first Fertility Specalist and hearing those words ….. I can’t see why it won’t take long to happen but little did he know I must of killed some important people in my past life, walked under millions of ladders and past black cats because if it was going to happen it was going to happen to me.

Mis-diagnose burst appendix at 16, the larva from that almost melts my insides and I am left with scar tissue growing around my tubes to close them tighter than a frogs butt. I then have a laperoscopy to find out why Chlomid isn’t working. Last words I hear is 1 in 5000 people end up with a knicked bowel….drum roll, there were 4999 happy women out there …. where is my trophey?? So what should of taken an hour took an ambulance to a level 2 hospital and 6 days in hospital. There I was diagnosed infertile….. fantastic…. did someone leave that bit out of the story of my growing up and living happily ever after! Six transfers later a BFP….14w 5d another ambulance ride to hospital, layed around for 5 hrs, told to pee in a cup told I had a UTI and give pills….no scan and no internal. On way to OBS ….POP and GUSH, I am induced and deliver my daughter at 16w 2d. Eleventh transfer a BFP, 18w membranes buldging, first hospital where I lost my daughter wanted to terminate, discharge myself and got to the Royal Womens, emergency stitch put in and I am 3cm dialated. Hospital bedrest for 7 weeks constantly being told by what ever hospital I got moved to that it wouldn’t last and I would loose the pregnancy, 25 weeks cord prolapse and emergency C-section….my son born at 25 weeks at 845g. Didn’t bond with him for 2 days, didn’t want to bond with something I was going to lose. Called in twice to say goodbye to him and 153 days in NICU & SCN. Then we almost loose our brand new house in the Black Saturday Bushfires in 09. And the unlucky person award goes too………….. trust me don’t ever rub me for luck!

Now in saying all that I was blessed my son survived and my house survived. M is one of the best things that has ever happened to me (besides meeting my best friend….my husband). And I have to say I am totally shocked in how much a baby grows within their first year. These defensless little things are born and within a year most are talking, feeding themselves, crawling and walking, have attitude and already know what they like and dislike. We as humans are the most amazing thing when young in that it’s all imbuilt into us on what to do within our first couple of years of life. I didn’t teach M how to crawl or stand up or walk…..he already knew how to do it and when he was going to do it and before you know it, you have blinked and my baby boy has grown up to be my toddler with spunk and a bit of attitude!