How do you know?
I was out shopping today when I overheard a girl talking about her pregnancy to what seemed like a family friend. She had just had her 12 week scan and all was ok, but then she said "I can relax now because we've hit the safe stage". I have to say that yes I did roll my eyes and mumble to myself "are you sure of that", I mean how does she know that. So do I sound like a mum who gave birth at 25 weeks!
We just have this thing programed into us that we will all grow up, meet the man of our dreams, get married and have babies, but unfortunatly in the REAL world its not the way it happens to everyone. I fought for nearly 7 years to have my son and I mean fought and just because I finally achieved my dream doesn't mean it still doesn't effect me in some way, trust me I am not the same person I was 7 years ago and don't think I ever will be again. Maybe that's a good thing as I was a very shy, quiet person but I have to say IVF has toughened me up although probably probably not the best on the old body with the drugs, then the stitch in the cervix and the c-section and now I have extra wobble on my wobble!
I was speaking to hubby yesterday saying that IVF still hurts and what happens if I had of given up after my 10th transfer........Maxx was my 11th. I knew we were coming close to the end of our IVF road, as much as I couldn't deal with it I was starting to think that there would come a time where we would say enough, more so for the financial side of it (thank god we don't live in America or we never would of been able to have one go....$$$), I even started to grab leaflets on how to deal with stopping IVF and still being childless. Lucky for me that I am very pig headed and I mean VERY pig headed and I wasn't ready to give in yet, my motto was 'I was never going to let this thing beat me' and I didn't.
I journaled through my TTCing years and I still go back and read it. It's for M when he gets older, he may not want to read it but it's there if he ever wants it.......or if he annoys the crap out of me when he is a teenager maybe I make him read it for punishment lmao! I will probably share a bit out of it as I continue to Blog so stay tuned.
We just have this thing programed into us that we will all grow up, meet the man of our dreams, get married and have babies, but unfortunatly in the REAL world its not the way it happens to everyone. I fought for nearly 7 years to have my son and I mean fought and just because I finally achieved my dream doesn't mean it still doesn't effect me in some way, trust me I am not the same person I was 7 years ago and don't think I ever will be again. Maybe that's a good thing as I was a very shy, quiet person but I have to say IVF has toughened me up although probably probably not the best on the old body with the drugs, then the stitch in the cervix and the c-section and now I have extra wobble on my wobble!
I was speaking to hubby yesterday saying that IVF still hurts and what happens if I had of given up after my 10th transfer........Maxx was my 11th. I knew we were coming close to the end of our IVF road, as much as I couldn't deal with it I was starting to think that there would come a time where we would say enough, more so for the financial side of it (thank god we don't live in America or we never would of been able to have one go....$$$), I even started to grab leaflets on how to deal with stopping IVF and still being childless. Lucky for me that I am very pig headed and I mean VERY pig headed and I wasn't ready to give in yet, my motto was 'I was never going to let this thing beat me' and I didn't.
I journaled through my TTCing years and I still go back and read it. It's for M when he gets older, he may not want to read it but it's there if he ever wants it.......or if he annoys the crap out of me when he is a teenager maybe I make him read it for punishment lmao! I will probably share a bit out of it as I continue to Blog so stay tuned.
posted by LiL Moo & Mee at
March 11, 2010
4 Comments:
Haha, the safe stage. Don't you wish you could be that naively certain sometimes?
I do, constantly.
Just wanted to stop by and thank you for your helpful comment on my blog.
It's encouraging to read your trying story and see that you've come out on the sane side of it all. It gives me hope :)
Big hugs!
I know exactly what you mean, I was so jelous of people who got to have a full term normal pregancy. Right after my daughter was born my SIL anounced she was expecting. And apart of me was angry. Now that we are at the year birthday I think I am not jelous or angry about any of it. I am so grateful that I had this happen I think it makes me a lucky mom to not only love my daughter because she is my daughter but because of the journey we have been on together. That is something that will bond us for llife more than carry her full term ever would have. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Frick I got to a VERY safe stage and delivered at a gestation that most would live and it still turned to shit.
I am sorry to admit this but while having a conversation with a pg women a few weeks ago 'how many kids do I have' was a question thrown at me. After hearing her go on and on about how she was 'safe' but really only wanted a girl I came right out and told her about Zak. I could have shot myself as the words came flooding out of my mouth. I NEVER tell pg women my story but it was out this time before I could stop myself. I feel so bad.
IVF is hard work. After 13 full stim cycles I can only describe it as tiring. I AM SO BLOODY TIRED its not funny. Yet I find myself wondering what the hell I will do with myself once we stop. Its been a full time job for me for years and I think I will miss doing it. Now thats just bloody crazy!
Hugs
xxx
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