January 30, 2008

Appointment with new FS

 Had my appointment with my new Fertility spec. today.  First of all we were shown our embies gradings on her screen and we have 5 grade ones (best ones) 4 grade 2, 3 grade 3 and 2 other ones. She was a little dumb founded by no change in proticole 19 embies down the track and she also said how sad she was that we were still going 6yrs later and with the loss of a pg at 16w.  DH said she had a bit of a tear in the eye when he told her about the pg and that was going to be our only child and we were never going back for a second child.

  She has taken me off metformin for now as she feels that because my PCOS was never investigated properly such as the glucose test etc only BT & ultrasound also I had been on it for 5 yrs that I may not even need it.  She actually thinks I may only have PCO not the PCOS.  I am to have the glucose test on either the 14th or 15th Feb...... go on tell me its not a nice test, what could be if it goes for 2 hrs lol.

  My old FS hadn't released my records yet so she was flying a bit blind with the whole think but asked so many questions.  First of all about genetic testing of both DH & I which honestly I couldn't remember if we did or not. 

  So she has decided to take our embies to blast (grow to day 5) instead of day 2 and explained Melb IVF doesn't really do it only on extreme occasions like us as they find couples lose to many embies and there is still no proof one out ways the other.  They will pull out 6 and take it from there but this won't be done until after my appointment on the 18th Feb so she has time to read my notes.  Now if all the embies die during the defrosting for blast then we will do a fresh cycle and probably go to PGD (genetic testing of the embies)She also said if anything comes up in my notes in the mean time she will give me a ring, which I nearly fell off the chair as my last one never contacted patients, she will also do my scans. 

  We were then asked about both my PG's and more so the last one and what tests were done on the baby more so genetic tests.  She has a slight suspicion that my waters broke due to the urinary tract infection or it might of contributed but if I do fall pg she said its more than likely she will monitor me through it all.  She then went into our feelings of losing the baby and the ttcing for 6 yrs etc  But she does seem to think we can fall pg again and more so with one of the frozen 14 we have sitting there because to how good they are.

  I have to say I left feeling more informed and alittle more hopeful than I ever did with my last Dr which is scary considering this is my 4th yr of IVF and 10 transfers later.  We also spoke to her about when enough is enough which she admitted it one of the hardest things any Dr has to tell their patients but totally understands where we are coming from and agreed to it.


January 28, 2008

Another Anniversary


Another sad anniversary has arrived.  It was 2 yrs today that my waters broke and our world came crashing down.     After 12 weeks you tend to think thank goodness I made it, but you know what….. never let your guard down and unfortunately once you have had a loss how the hell can you ever enjoy your pregnancy again. 

I will never forget the day I felt my waters pop and being 14w 5d your not suppose to feel them.  We are so lucky we got to spend nearly 2 weeks with her before I was induced, but I didn’t want to let her go knowing right up until I had her she was still alive.Still to this day I sleep with her little bed she was presented to us in next to my bed, it also has her little hat on the bed.  I can’t let go of her and you know what I never will, how can I she is my daughter and my first born.  We tried 3 ½ yrs to have her and the money for IVF doesn’t even come into it because how can you put a price on a life.  But 6 yrs now and we are still hoping and praying for our miracle.Its amazing how you can miss something you never really got to know, how you can miss a pregnancy, miss being called something you never got to hear….mummy.  But most of all I just miss my daughter Chloe Jade.   

On Tuesday we have our first appointment with our new IVF Dr and I so can’t wait, its almost making me feel those feelings that I felt when we were having our very first appointment 4 yrs ago.  Holy crap 4 friggin years ago, boy doesn’t time fly when your not having fun.  Four years of pills, injections, inserting things, things being inserted, blood tests, timing, crying, screaming, yelling and to a certain point……. Being over it.  So heres hoping she changes a lot of things and gives us just that little glimmer of hope that both DH & I need.  I mean how can we fall pg and it be cruel enough that it never happens again. 


I got away with it!!


Oh it has been a while hasn’t it.

 Last night will go down in history as the first time I have got away with a lie and my husband not being able to tell!!  I am such a bad liar and he knows it, he can tell just by my face when I am fibbing lol. 

Back in October I had planned to throw him a 40th Birthday on the 26th January 2008 (His Birthday 24th).  I organised the invites etc then only for him to tell me he no longer wanted it!!  So I didn’t think anything about it until he started mentioning things about his 40th and were we just going to have a BBQ or something, so again I started to think and yet again he changed his mind and this went on right up until a week ago.  I decided I was going to be blamed for not organising anything so behind his back in one week I organised about 20 people, including his new boss and his wife whom I have never met but thank god for email, a surprised dinner at a restaurant.  DH thought it was just us two going out for dinner as I told him it was too late to get everyone together in a week and I had arranged it for the 9th Feb.  Well we got there and was taken to our table and to his surprise there was everyone, with them singing happy Birthday to him.  I can’t tell you how much I was stressing all week that someone would blow it and I now can tell you how relived I am it’s all over and I will never organise a surprise party for anyone……….man its too stressful lmao!!


January 02, 2008



Happy New Year Everyone!!  I hope you all had a safe one and there are not too many hangovers out there right now. Not only did I have to work today but good old Mother Nature has given me the ovulation pain from hell.  I swear my ovary is trying to pop out a chicken egg, either that or my reproductive system is stabbing me for a bit of fun. 

It’s only 28 days till we see our new FS and I so can’t wait, just to have a fresh outlook on things.  At first I was worried about changing but the other night I though stuff it I don’t owe him anything and even though we did get pg with him once I just think it was pure luck at the time.  So here’s hoping the new year brings some new changes.