Another Anniversary

Another sad anniversary has arrived.  It was 2 yrs today that my waters broke and our world came crashing down.     After 12 weeks you tend to think thank goodness I made it, but you know what….. never let your guard down and unfortunately once you have had a loss how the hell can you ever enjoy your pregnancy again. 

I will never forget the day I felt my waters pop and being 14w 5d your not suppose to feel them.  We are so lucky we got to spend nearly 2 weeks with her before I was induced, but I didn’t want to let her go knowing right up until I had her she was still alive.Still to this day I sleep with her little bed she was presented to us in next to my bed, it also has her little hat on the bed.  I can’t let go of her and you know what I never will, how can I she is my daughter and my first born.  We tried 3 ½ yrs to have her and the money for IVF doesn’t even come into it because how can you put a price on a life.  But 6 yrs now and we are still hoping and praying for our miracle.Its amazing how you can miss something you never really got to know, how you can miss a pregnancy, miss being called something you never got to hear….mummy.  But most of all I just miss my daughter Chloe Jade.   

On Tuesday we have our first appointment with our new IVF Dr and I so can’t wait, its almost making me feel those feelings that I felt when we were having our very first appointment 4 yrs ago.  Holy crap 4 friggin years ago, boy doesn’t time fly when your not having fun.  Four years of pills, injections, inserting things, things being inserted, blood tests, timing, crying, screaming, yelling and to a certain point……. Being over it.  So heres hoping she changes a lot of things and gives us just that little glimmer of hope that both DH & I need.  I mean how can we fall pg and it be cruel enough that it never happens again.