May 23, 2007

Moving Forward


For those that don’t know our house is finally up for sale and I mean house not home.  For some reason this place has never a home, I have felt more at home in a rental property than this place.  We built this place 4 yrs ago and have had nothing but bad luck and it all started with the house.  There are so many reasons but I can’t go into some as I would hate for a potential buyer to see it lmao!!  One reason was we lost our Angel here, my hubby lost his job 6 weeks after we lost the baby, financially we have struggled from day one and there are other things I can’t explain.  Don’t get me wrong I am going to miss our first home but its time for a new life.Our house goes up for Action on the 23rd June 

When the house is sold we will be living with my parents for a yr or so and save some money for the extras we want for our new home 

This first pic is the façade we want as the one in the second pic is a bit oldish looking.  We are moving from the sea   

to the country . 

I will be lucky enough to be able to give up work and finally be a house wife and a mummy to our 3 fur babies that we will be getting.  I am also hoping that a miracle happens and maybe although being told it won’t happen maybe I might conceive naturally with the help of less stress in my life and the not working 50 plus hrs a week also. 

So I will keep you updated, we have already had people though, the one today looks very interested and it hasn’t even been on the market for a week!!


May 14, 2007

Happy Mothers Day

Mothers Day

Today should be my first Mothers Day with my Daughter but not to be, for some reason we are not meant to be together on this earth.  I know it’s a hard day for a lot of mummy’s with Angels but know they are with you always and are holding you tight today.  My DH gave be some roses and a beautiful card from her, he also made me breakfast and even asked if I wanted to read the paper before him this morning lol.  We then went to my mum’s and had lunch then we all moved onto my nanna’s house and spent sometime with her. I just wanted to let my daughter know that mummy loves you now and forever.

With it being Mother's Day,
our thoughts are of our Mothers,
who we hold so dear.

Our Mothers who we are blessed,
to be able to share this day with,
and those who are no longer here.

But say a prayer for all the Mothers,
who have endured the loss of a child;
a child who can't be with them today.

Mother's Day is not easy for them,
as they remember their children,
during this very special meaning day.

A Mother never expects her child,
to ever be called back home,
before her own time here is done.

The pain which only a Mother feels,
over the loss of her precious child,
truly is the most indescribable one.

To all the Mothers on Mother's day,
who have Angels in Heaven above,
know your Angel's thinking of you too.

Just as you can't, and will never forget,
your precious child now in God's care,
they also, will remember all about you.

Today, this precious child of yours,
will be smiling at you from Heaven,
and sending all of their love your way.

With most beautiful memories of you,
and all you gave from your heart,
as they think of you on Mother's Day.

Although they are no longer here,
your precious child will always feel,
your eternal light of a Mother's love.

It will forever shine within their soul,
and be felt deeply within their spirit,
as they rest in peace, in Heaven above.

© Pamela Hall
13th May, 2001


May 07, 2007

The Brain.........


Why does your brain keep thinking, why does it think about things you don’t want to, why can you be happy one minute and then the next your brain turns on and bang your in tears.

I have always had a rule in this house and that’s never to have any baby stuff in the house, nothing at all, even when I was pg I remember my hubby wanting to start buying nappies at 13w and there was no way they were coming into the house, even my mum gave me some singlets and I was terrified to have them here, infact it was only a month ago I found them sitting on the top shelf of my wardrobe wondering why I let them stay there.  I have a pram and bouncer that I bought before I found out we couldn’t conceive naturally, they were soon shipped out into the garage and there they have stayed collecting A LOT of dust.  I’m not sure but maybe deep down my soul knew that something was going to happen or maybe it was a protection barrier for myself.  I am just so scared for all these women that as soon as they find themselves pg are out buying the nursery and even more devastated when 2 of my friends have lost their babies under 12w and can’t deal the nurseries they have set up.

  I have started reading a book called The Happiness Trap, stop struggling, start Living - Dr Russ Harris.  I need some bounce back into my life, I have never been a reader infact unless the first page interests me it's over lol.  Honestly I am not sure if this is going to help at all but it can't hurt .... can it??  I need to stop being so miserable. depressed and feeling sorry for myself so excuse me if I lapse every once and a while.   I have also started reading up again on any information I can find on PPROM (Preterm Premature rupture of Membranes) - rupture or tear in the membranes before 37 weeks. PROM/PPROM is thought largely to be caused by an infection in the uterus or fetal membranes. Why these infections occur is not completely understood. Risk factors include smoking, and some vaginal infections. Also multiple gestations (twins, triplets, etc.) and women who have had PROM/PPROM before.  Some women who have had UTI’s have also encountered PPROM and yep that was me, I also believe the stress at work had a lot to do with it too , but I didn't have a incomp cervix as I was told I would of gone into labour almost straight away and when the ultra sound after they burst my cervix with shut tight.  But I will never know what caused it or can anyone give me a answer as its something that is just not known and in this day and age I don’t know why.  My mum once said you think with all this technology that they would of come up with a patch for it.  If anyone knows of any books or info on it I would love to hear about it.

So if I post abit about my book I am reading and the info I find I really hope I don’t bore you.

Well it looks like the house will be going on the market soon, we have been working on it for the past couple of months and it looks like we're coming to the end of the fixing.  DH is going to see a real estate agent on Sat to get someone around to give us a price and hopefully get things going, but don't worry we wont go with the first agent.  It makes me happy to think that the next phase of our life or our new begining maybe just around the corner. 


May 04, 2007

Our Holiday


As some of you know hubby and I went to New Zealand for 5 days and this is a bit of how it all went.  Just thought it might be something different than my sooking. 

Well we arrived back yesterday morning from New Zealand at 8am after catching a 6 am flight from Wellington but having to be up at 3am, but not getting to bed until midnight!! (they are 2 hrs a head of us)We had the best time except for the weather, it was what Melbourne weather use to be not freezing but just wet everyday.....oh except for the Sunday the day we were suppose to fly back but someone slept through it!! I have never experienced a party house before and this was one the people we stayed with are nearly 50 and they are always entertaining. The bar would be the size of almost half a house and then there is a Cellar which was big and no kidding it would have wine in it worth close to 1 mill without any problems. On Monday they had a caterer come in and restock the bar. The house is built into the mountains there like most of them, they actually have steel beams going from floor to ceiling to help hold the house in place not to mention metal ropes that were shot into the mountain to also help hold the house in place. For those who have never been to Wellington it is the place of mountains and everyone lives on or in these mountains, you just drive around with your mouth open then you come across the people that leave their cars down the bottom and they have cable cars to get to the houses!! Apparently the metal structure of this house is worth $10 million by itself. Who would of ever thought the pet industry would make so much money!!There were over 360 people who attended this conference and it was nice to finally meet some of DH old work mates and his new ones and the guy that made him redundant from his previous job just hid for the whole night, was very funny, I was even told at one stage to keep my mouth shut if I came across him lmao. Our first big night was Friday night were we went to one of the owners house who is on 64 acres, he had a marquee up and we were all bused there and then dropped off at the bottom where mini buses drove us up. There was champers, spirits, beer etc on tap and yes I made the most of it.

Sat night was even better where I still don't think I had sobered up from the night before, we ended up down the street after it had finished and when we were offered ice from a pub we soon caught a cab back to the place where we were staying, where it was full of people who kept partying until 6pm Sun night. I woke up Sun at lunch time to get ready to leave, I stood up and almost fell down with a very uneasy feeling in the gut not to mention the shakes , even when I was trying to dry my hair the room was moving and there was no way I could fly out as I get motion sickness as it is and have to take drugs for air sickness. So the HR Mgr that was there from the company that hosted it and gave DH the arse last yr organised for us to catch another flight but next one was today but we were told we were more than welcome to stay as long as we wanted.  Think I am detoxing now and in a way miss it all lol.