Support & The Unknown Future

I've been helping a friend who has been going through IVF for about a year now.  When I mean helping I mean supporting her not only emotionally, but also how not to get her hopes up.  Wow that sounds nasty but I think anyone who has done IVF totally understands what I mean.  She actually admitted to me that it's all been helping her and hasn't felt as harsh as when she was doing it alone.  She tends now to take every transfer as it comes and even though a BFN still hurts she says it's just easier to deal with to be able to have someone who has been there before to lean on, slap her side ways and then move on lol.  To be honest I would of loved to have had someone like that and even though I was involved in IVF online groups I never really had anyone to really lean on, don't get me wrong these friends were good but I never had anyone close. 
She's up to her 4th try now and I pray that she doesn't have to do anymore, honestly I would hate for her to start racking up the numbers I did.  It's funny though I still feel the pain when she gets her BFN's because I have experienced that pain first hand, then I wonder if it ever goes away....I mean I have finally achieved my dream but it still effects you in some way but I think I know why....


Well first of all going through 11 IVF transfers is going to effect you in someway

but to tell you the truth I don't think I am finished yet, infact I know I am not finished.  We still have 8 embrio's on ice (my frostie bubs) and the thought of never using them scares me, to think there could be one of them that could give me my third child (remembering I lost my first born).  They are from the same batch as Maxx and if they are anything like him I would have the whole 8 if I could (picture hubby rocking in the corner lol). I turn 39 next week and it's not as easy as saying lets just go for it again.  If I did get pg I would have to have a stitch put in at 13 weeks, then rest for the rest of the pg whilst looking after a what will be a 2 yr old but I guess it's better than last time and that was I was still working 10 hour days.  Then will the stitch hold, will an infection hold off...I think you can see where I am going with this.

I have been told of an abdominal stitch that some women have had instead of the normal cervical stitch.  There are only a few Dr's that do them at the moment but luckly I have heard of one in Melbourne so I am hoping that I qualify for it.  My next step though is convincing hubby to start trying again!

I truely don't blame him for him not wanting to and it all comes down the everything we went through with this pg.  I mean the poor guy had to not have me home for 7 weeks, then the daily stress of not only spending over 11 hrs a day at work but then having to come to the hospital everynight to see me.  Now I stayed at 3 different hospitals over the 7 weeks, one was 15 mins from his work but 2 hrs from home, the second was 1hr & 20min from work but 40 mins from home and the third one which I got transfered to at 24 weeks was 50 mins from his work but 1hr and 10 mins from home.  When he would arrive he would fight from falling asleep as soon as he hit the chair, then put up with me crying because I missed him and wanted to come home, not to mention just the overall stress of keeping this baby alive inside of me.  There was a few times after things happen to me such as a big fluid loss or bleeding that I would loose it and he would come flying from work or home at all hours of the morning just to be with me and to top it off traveling to hospital to see his son in NICU for 153 days.  So there are 2 sides to it, I do understand that but I just would love a brother or sister for Maxx...I've always said I would love 2.

So thats where I am right now, still in a bit of a unknown part of my life but I guess only time will tell.