Can someone please turn my brain off…………it hurts too much.

I was waiting for that bolt of lightning!!

Well to say we are on a down today would be an understatement.  We had only one bidder there yesterday and if I could punch the living shit out of our agent I would today.  He told us he had 8 bidders lined up for the day and only one showed.  There was a lady sitting in her car who was interested but she wouldn't bid, so the agent told her the bidders get first offer. 

After the house was pasted in we had an offer made but not enough.  We have now dropped $20000 off the price we wanted and its now officially for sale.  Our agent will ring the interested parties who made offers of $10000 less than what we want.  We now have to bite the bullet and if we sell for this price walk out with still owing on our morgage.   As hubby is a numbers man he worked it out it can take us 8 months to pay that off living with my parents.   

Now the selfish side is about to come out but one of my thoughts were IVF and how the frigg are we going to afford it now, so hubby has promised me his phone payment he gets back from his work will go towards it $600 and I already have a hundred saved from ebay in there.  He has told me that the money will be there for ivf when we sell and told me remember that when we move that we wont have electricity bills etc, but you still have this feeling there is always going to be something that will be thrown at you so you can’t do another cycle.  So now it means ivf will happen when ever.  And I tell ya if one more person says to me that I still have plenty of time I will punch the living shit out of them 5 times over, I am 36 and in IVF years I am heading towards the end. Sorry, but just a little flat, we knew things were going too well for us and waiting for the kick in the gutts to happen.............. So there is one for the non sale of the house and the other is ivf has gone from next month to fuck knows when.

Just Bits

Thankyou for all those that replied to my last post.  I am feeling better but just having more moments than normal.  The only thing I can work it out to be is

A)    I am ready to cycle

B)     It would be me Angel Girls 1^st Birthday next month. 

I have started at the new store and so far I am loving it, the staff are so friendly and I have more of them than the last store which is making my life easier.  Getting home to see the news at night is fantastic.We have only 10 days till the auction and I am really starting to get nervous.  I was sitting in the back room the other night and it occurred to me that this may not be my home in a few months.  We have been through a bit here, including my pg, then the loss of it, we got married and it was our first home.   But hey things can only get better…….. well can’t it……..well………LOL.

Struggling

I honestly thought I was doing ok, enjoying my break from ttcing, eating, drinking etc .............BUT...........tonight hubby got home and told me he saw the lady across the road getting out of her car and she was heavily pg. We don't even talk to them let alone knowing she was pg but for some dam reason it has gutted me. All of a sudden I was just so dam depressed and have been teary all night. I just keep thinking why don't I deserve a baby, what have I done so dam wrong??? I use to think that I was being punished for taking my hubby away from his first marriage, from his children and even though his marriage was over I always felt like I was being punished, that it was my fault, yet these people across the road are in exactly the same boat as us, he too is divorced and has 2 children and now she is pregnant, sooooooooo.......Am I too selfish, am I too bitchy, am I not good enough, won't I make a good mother, just tell me so I can deal with this better. To go through 3 yrs of IVF, needles apon needles, pills, creams, inserting things, blood tests, 8 transfers, one early miscarriage, one loss of a daughter at 16w............hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe I haven't been through enough yet???

Another Start..... its a good one.

                                                                                     

The house viewing is going well, we have had one offer which wasn’t enough but apparently their going to try again.  I can’t believe its only 3 weeks away till the auction.  I got some good news on Monday.  I have been transferred to another store with work and after 3 yrs of being there I can say I am quiet happy!!  I have currently been a Manager in this store for over 3yrs which is the longest time out of the all the 5 stores I have worked in.  My travelling time now goes from nearly one hour one way to 15 minutes.  I received a nice little pay rise to go with it and knowing that this will be the last store I will ever work in before I quit is the best feeling.  Now just settling in, getting to know my 30 plus staff not to mention the other 100 plus staff that work for the other managers.   I was becoming so stale and board.IVF is getting closer I can feel it and as much as I haven’t been thinking about it for 6 months I am feeling the slight niggling.  I can feel good things are happening for us right now which makes me feel that maybe we are ready to go soon, but as usual with us I learn never to get to excited about things going our way as the bitch slapping elf must be somewhere hiding!!