IVF Life

I just wanted to say a Big Thankyou for all my Birthday wishes it was so nice of you all xx.  You know IVF takes a huge chunk of your life whether you like it or not, it takes away your enjoyment of sex the thought of well I can’t conceive naturally so why bother.  You feel bad because it’s not your partners fault but they seem to suffer and you just don’t know how to explain it to them without them thinking that they are only there for one thing.You stop drinking and watch what you eat………..why??  Your recommended to do it that’s why but again why…….women who conceive naturally eat & drink what they want before they even know they are pg, yet my friend’s clinic gives them a valium and brandy after during transfer………go figure!!  I find myself not doing any house work for 2weeks cause god forbid I may life that cloth and wipe the bench and af arrives lol.I find myself looking everytime I wipe after going to the toilet even when I’m not cycling (can’t believe I told you that…but its true).You run on days, weeks, hours and minute timetables, you have to arrange your life around it, whether to tell work or not…….. I chose to tell them but you almost become to scared to tell them that you need time off to cycle again.I find myself distancing from friends and barriers being put up, not wanting to hang around people with babies and young children.  The thought of seeing a pram almost makes you want to run and hide and don’t even mention the crying baby!I’m negative before I even start a cycle, I start to give up before the embrio’s have been placed back inside of me, I’m hysterical with the slightest bit of cramp I feel. 

I know there are a whole lot more but this is all of I can think of right now.  I have almost forgotten what it’s like to not cycle………the pre ivf days!  I have been on a break for 4 months now and have for the first time been loving not even thinking about it.  I have now lost 5.5kg or 12.1lb which I am a little disappointed with as I thought it would have been more by now, I’m just lying dormant. So when am I cycling next……….July 2007!

My Birthday

Well today is my 36th Birthday but for the hell of it I have decided to stay 35 for the rest of my life,  so hopefully my reproductive system will listen so I get a few more years out of it lol.  I am praying that this is a better year for me and that I become a mother.

I had a good day around family with mum cooking me Chinese, one of my fav’s.  I did think about my little girl today and how this would have been my first Birthday with her but I know she was with me.

Some Sad news

Can you please keep in your thoughts two dear friends of mine.  Last night one of them lost her best friend to cancer (under 40yrs) who has a couple of young children, my friend also had a tragic month with her son trying to take his own life due to so many things happening in his own.  She has always been there for me and more so when I lost the baby, she is always there for anyone that needs her and has little time for herself. 

My second dearest friend lost her baby today on there wedding anniversary.  This baby was conceived through a FET cycle and 3yrs in the making.  This would have been her second child that they wanted so very, very much.  They told no one they were cycling and then told a few people last week when the blood test was confirmed, the numbers were so high that we honestly thought this was the perfect news. 

I love you both so very much and sending a lot of hugs and kisses your way.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The Other Night

I just wanted to share a post from the other night that I put in my journal, I feel like I needed to share as this is my soul thoughts.  I do feel better but obviously the feelings will always been there and I just had a hugh explosion that was probably needed.  I hope I don't offend anyone with it.

I have very much hit rock bottom tonight....... I hate my job with a passion but can't leave if we want to keep doing IVF. Everyone around me is getting PG or getting PG again and I am struggling to cope with maybe not even being able to have a child. I am 36 on the 18th and I am not sure its going to happen at all and as much as i know you mean well when you say it but there is no garentee that it is my turn, none what so ever!!

Australia is so backwards and such a easy country.........it takes now 3 yrs to adopt a oversea's baby which we were looking at and we have to sign a legal document stating that we have stopped ivf forever. We look after our single mothers so well that they don't have to ever get jobs thus not giving their child up even if they treat them like shit (about 20 adoptions of local babies in 06) and surro is illigal in all states bar one but the surro's name goes on the birth certificate and it can only be down if you are 100% sure you will never have a child and a Dr has to state that. Yep the land of the lucky country for sure!!

Nothing Much

As from today 4.5kg or 10 pounds loss.  I only have .5kg to go before I am down to my pre conception weight when I fell pg with our Angel.  I just so hope it gives us a chance to achieve a pg again.  As for when are we cycling again still no thoughts on it yet, we are off to
New Zealand at the end of April so may hold off till then. 

Other than that, nothing much to report for now……… but stay tuned!