Take the Hurt Away

Hubby had a breakdown yesterday afternoon, he had been drinking with his brother and when he got home (a little pi$$ed), he admited to me that he got up early that morning because he couldn't stop thinking about our little girl that we lost at 16w on the 7th Feb. He said that he wishes someone would ask him how he was doing for once instead of me all the time. He was telling me how much he misses her and wonders what she would look like if we had of had her. I honestly didn't realise how much he was keeping this inside of him and everytime I ask him he says he's dealing with it in his own way so i just left him alone. We just cried together and I told him its his child and he's allowed to cry too, he said it was seeing her little bed in the bedroom that set him off today....the one the hospital presented her to us in. We would be 25 weeks today. He also said that he knows God took her for a reason and has that he plans but I'm sorry while we were going through this cycle I prayed everyday to him but now I just can't do it or hear about it.
The pain is just undescribable and I never want anyone to go through this. I know I'm not the only person to lose a child but it hurts like hell. How dare she be taken away from us, our first and could be our only child. I have to admit that I have had the thought that I don't want the pain anymore but I soon snap myself out of it. I guess when we start ivf again it may keep me occupied but I will always be scared and worried. I just want this year to be over so badly, Mothers Day is in May, July is her due date 3 days before our wedding anniversary, then comes Christmas and then her anniversary of Chloe's Birth. I have been absent from my chatroom because there is just to much pg talk now, I am so happy for them but some just go on and on and on and I normally end up feeling worse after being in there or just teary.
He saw my uncle down the street yesterday and no one had told him that we were pregnant and that we had lost her, he just burst into tears and couldn't move, saying that we want kids so badly and it wan't fair.
I can't wait to move to the country, we built this house 3 yrs ago and have had nothing but bad luck since being in it. Its not because I can give up work either, but I just so want to be a house wife to Nath, to look after him like he so deserves. With both of us working 60hrs a week and me every second weekend and nights we just don't do things that we should even things such as cooking, and I know my stress levels will dive too. If we are lucky enough to have a child then its the best place to bring them up but hopefully it won't take another 2yrs.

I don't want to be an adult anymore, take me back to my childhood.