March 8th 2006

Well yesterday was my first day back at work and I wont half admit I was so scared!! I cried before I left home, but when I arrived I just walked straight in. Most of the staff were good, especially the guys, they all seem to just walk up asked how I was, some gave me a hug and said if I need a shoulder. I think more of the women struggled, with most saying hi and chatting but some others that just said hi and kept walking.
I'm only working 2 days this week as emotionally thats all I think I could handle, but I tell ya I just felt so lost and out of place there yesteday and we have a new Store Manager who started on Monday so that did help me either, he just shows no emotions. Tomorrow I am going in to speak to the Regional Manager about standing down from my Management position and just work on the floor, instead of working 60 hrs a week I can work 35-40 and start getting my life and my health back into shape.
Emotionally I know the days are getting better, but for some reason this afternoon I have gone all emotional again and anything is setting me off and for those in Australia, epecially the Coles ad and it just seems like every advert has a baby or pregnancy in it at the moment.
I just hurt for the feeling of missing something, being empty, knowing that I should be half way there by now, will it take another 2 yrs for me to fall pregnant and will I kept it this time. But as I think I have said it before, next time I will be getting a stitch at about 13 weeks and even if I don't need it, its there anyway.
I just want my own child, one is all I ask for!!!