Transfer

I’m tired and sore but I did have transfer today and that I am grateful for!!  I have little Nemo on board and I am sorry little one for all the swelling and yukkiness in there.  For the next couple of weeks you will find me talking to you through this blog as its yours. Now I don’t want to sound ungrateful with some of the things I am going to say in here. We arrived today at 8.40 for transfer this morning, I was so uncomfortable with the drive upto Melbourne but I know a lot was anxiety too, DH kept talking to me but he knew I was nervous, what happened if they wouldn’t do transfer!!  My RE called me into the room and asked how I was, I think he could see my tummy was sticking out more lol but I told him, I was sore but that was about it.  He said to me do you want to transfer 2 and I asked him what he thought and honestly, so he told me ……… ONE and as much as I wanted two I knew I had to trust him.  He told me my risks of two including twins and my chance of getting very sick with them, I also know that since we lost Chloe at 16w due to my waters breaking twins is just not good for us.I laid there while we saw our little one on the screen, you were there all 4 cells of you and although deep down I wanted you bro or sis to keep you company whole you were in there I knew I couldn’t.  You were put inside me for me to keep you all warm and protect you. On the way home I put a fertility crystal on my tummy and just hoped and prayed to you Angel sister that she was watching over us right now.  I was on a downer on the way home, I really wanted two transferred as all the other fresh that I have fallen pregnant on have always had two transferred but I know what I had to do and I feel guilty for this cause I should be satisfied with the 18 embryo’s I got as I know women would kill for that.  My problem is that I don’t respond to FET’s and even my RE says I don’t, so with these frostie bubs sitting there I really feel that when we use them my RE needs to look at something different or I have to find someone different, I have had 4 with no luck and bleeding when I am on tablets not to bleed and on the same days too. So today I have been on the couch, rubbing you and wishing for you to hang on and grow!