Scared

Yes I have been missing in action, I tend to do it once my second week has hit and I hate it the waiting, knowing and every twinge, pain and sqwishy thing you feel.Last night I lost it, all day I had lower back pain, tummy cramps and was tired which normally means it’s a bad period on her way.  I was at work and just wanted to get home, if anything happened I wanted to be in a safe place where I could just curl up and howl myself to sleep.  When I got home DH just grabbed my arm and we went and lied down on the bed and that’s were we stayed all night, he even went and bought pizza and a garlic one for me as I don’t eat processed meat when cycling and we just stayed in bed.  He kept holding me and telling me to stop crying as nothing had happened yet but nothing he said was going to stop me.  He fell asleep but I just so didn’t, I didn’t’ want to wake up in the morning to find that cow waiting for me to rub it in again!!Today is day 10, please let me get through another night I just mentally can’t deal with another failed cycle.  Knowing I only transferred one instead of two is really eating at me right now, I managed to steer clear of hyperstimulation which gets to me even more and I feel I should of taken the risk of a two embrio transfer.Please whoever is listening upstairs, just watch over us over the next few days…….. no matter what!