My Hearts been Ripped Again

Well as of 4am this morning it was over, went to the toilet and there is was laughing at me.  Number 8 a write off and it makes me wonder even more why the fuck am I doing this.  I am so hateful right now, I shouldn't even be going through this shit again I should be getting ready for my first child's Christmas.  I just keep asking what have I don't so wrong in life to get dealt these cards and I'm telling you I am losing all hope, faith and everything else right now.  I know all ART people go through this but after 8 tries and a loss of a baby doesn't someone upstairs think I have been through enough. I rung my nurse and blood test is now tomorrow, she asked what are we going to do now, we are thinking of giving it one more go and I tell ya the thought of that makes me sick to my gut and my head feels like its gonna go bang.  Its not 100% we will do it yet as we have a couple of days to think about it before the cycle will kick in. 

I'm sorry everyone but I just so hate this life right now and don't know how much more I can keep this tough act up.  But how do you stop something you want so badly!!!