October 30, 2006

My Hearts been Ripped Again




Well as of 4am this morning it was over, went to the toilet and there is was laughing at me.  Number 8 a write off and it makes me wonder even more why the fuck am I doing this.  I am so hateful right now, I shouldn't even be going through this shit again I should be getting ready for my first child's Christmas.  I just keep asking what have I don't so wrong in life to get dealt these cards and I'm telling you I am losing all hope, faith and everything else right now.  I know all ART people go through this but after 8 tries and a loss of a baby doesn't someone upstairs think I have been through enough. I rung my nurse and blood test is now tomorrow, she asked what are we going to do now, we are thinking of giving it one more go and I tell ya the thought of that makes me sick to my gut and my head feels like its gonna go bang.  Its not 100% we will do it yet as we have a couple of days to think about it before the cycle will kick in. 

I'm sorry everyone but I just so hate this life right now and don't know how much more I can keep this tough act up.  But how do you stop something you want so badly!!!






























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9 Comments:

Anonymous Lisa said...

So sorry Shazz. As an ex-IVFer your post brings back many memories. I don't know you but remember how hard and horrible days like this were. I have no words of wisdom - just sorry this one didn't work.

Lisa

October 31, 2006 12:35 am  
Anonymous Faith said...

Oh my darling friend, i am so very very sorry. you dont deserve this to happen over and over. I know that no words i can say will make you feel better... perhaps a big hug might.

(((((( ))))))
Faith xxx

October 31, 2006 3:32 am  
Anonymous Lis said...

I'm so sorry sweetie...sending you lots of love and hugs...thinking of you always xxx

October 31, 2006 4:54 am  
Anonymous soralis said...

I am so sorry... sending you a big hug as there are no words.

October 31, 2006 6:10 pm  
Anonymous Jo said...

I wish I could ease your pain... make it all better for you. I really do.
I am so sorry you are going through all this.
Be easy on yourself and make sure you and your husband take time for each other.

October 31, 2006 7:23 pm  
Anonymous annmarie said...

Oh Shazz...I don't have the words to make the pain go away. Just know that I understand.

October 31, 2006 9:05 pm  
Anonymous Kate said...

Horribly unfair. So very very wrong. I am so deeply sorry for all that you have been through.

October 31, 2006 11:37 pm  
Anonymous Jen said...

it never gets any easier just harder. sorry this go round wasnt to be, but you do have those frozens waiting for you so here's hoping you can get a fet in soon.

November 01, 2006 1:27 am  
Anonymous Meri-ann said...

As always- sending you lots of love...

November 01, 2006 7:04 am  

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