IVF Life

I just wanted to say a Big Thankyou for all my Birthday wishes it was so nice of you all xx.  You know IVF takes a huge chunk of your life whether you like it or not, it takes away your enjoyment of sex the thought of well I can’t conceive naturally so why bother.  You feel bad because it’s not your partners fault but they seem to suffer and you just don’t know how to explain it to them without them thinking that they are only there for one thing.You stop drinking and watch what you eat………..why??  Your recommended to do it that’s why but again why…….women who conceive naturally eat & drink what they want before they even know they are pg, yet my friend’s clinic gives them a valium and brandy after during transfer………go figure!!  I find myself not doing any house work for 2weeks cause god forbid I may life that cloth and wipe the bench and af arrives lol.I find myself looking everytime I wipe after going to the toilet even when I’m not cycling (can’t believe I told you that…but its true).You run on days, weeks, hours and minute timetables, you have to arrange your life around it, whether to tell work or not…….. I chose to tell them but you almost become to scared to tell them that you need time off to cycle again.I find myself distancing from friends and barriers being put up, not wanting to hang around people with babies and young children.  The thought of seeing a pram almost makes you want to run and hide and don’t even mention the crying baby!I’m negative before I even start a cycle, I start to give up before the embrio’s have been placed back inside of me, I’m hysterical with the slightest bit of cramp I feel. 

I know there are a whole lot more but this is all of I can think of right now.  I have almost forgotten what it’s like to not cycle………the pre ivf days!  I have been on a break for 4 months now and have for the first time been loving not even thinking about it.  I have now lost 5.5kg or 12.1lb which I am a little disappointed with as I thought it would have been more by now, I’m just lying dormant. So when am I cycling next……….July 2007!