Enjoying my Break
I’m so in two minds right now, why you ask (or maybe you didn’t)! I am so enjoying my break from cycling and I guess after 4 Fresh IVF cycles, 4 FET’s, A pregnancy, a loss at 16w 2d, giving birth to my beautiful sleeping Angel Chloe and one cancelled FET due to ovulation not happening until day 36, a hyperstimulation, I think I am entitled to feel that way. Then on the other hand I want to start again, to hopefully achieve our dream of having our own child together. But then again I am enjoying the break, oh did I mention I am enjoying the break!!! No scans, no pee sticks, no blood tests, no pills, no worrying, no living in the toilet for 2 weeks, no worrying about each pain or ping in the tummy, no inserting things into my fu fu or coming back out of it.Drinking, eating and you know what SMILING…….. So yes I am enjoying my break right now.
My daughters First Angel Birthday is coming up on the 7th Feb which has gone so fast, this week is going to be extremely hard as it’s the week that everything started to go wrong. On the 27th of Jan 06 I was taken to hospital with pains by ambulance, no scan was done after it took them 5 and a half hrs to come see me. Later that day I felt a pop and water ran down my legs…… I was 14w 5d. After nearly 2 weeks of scans there was no chance of the hole mending and I still remember seeing her last ultra sound with her hiccuping away. We had to make the choice of letting her go to the Angels as I didn’t want her suffering. I remember my Obs telling me that the hospital would ring me and give me a time, I waited and waited then when the call came through it took my breathe away, I had a date and a time but I just wanted more time with her. All weekend I just layed there talking to her, my hands on my tummy, my darling husband putting his head on my tummy and just crying.On the 7th Feb 2006 I was induced and gave birth to a Beautiful Daughter ~Chloe Jade~. We both held her, kissed her and loved her and will forever and the next morning when we left my husband just turned around and looked at the room knowing that that was the last time we had contact with her.
I miss her dearly and wonder what she would be like, whether she would be a chubster like her mummy and daddy, hair like her mummy or no hair like her daddy, if it would have been curly like her mummy or straight like her daddy’s was (sorry babe). She would be 6 months old in 2 days and I want her to know we love her very much and always will, if she could watch over us and hopefully you could chose one or two of those 17 frostie bubs to be your brother and or sister.
We love you Sweetheart!
My daughters First Angel Birthday is coming up on the 7th Feb which has gone so fast, this week is going to be extremely hard as it’s the week that everything started to go wrong. On the 27th of Jan 06 I was taken to hospital with pains by ambulance, no scan was done after it took them 5 and a half hrs to come see me. Later that day I felt a pop and water ran down my legs…… I was 14w 5d. After nearly 2 weeks of scans there was no chance of the hole mending and I still remember seeing her last ultra sound with her hiccuping away. We had to make the choice of letting her go to the Angels as I didn’t want her suffering. I remember my Obs telling me that the hospital would ring me and give me a time, I waited and waited then when the call came through it took my breathe away, I had a date and a time but I just wanted more time with her. All weekend I just layed there talking to her, my hands on my tummy, my darling husband putting his head on my tummy and just crying.On the 7th Feb 2006 I was induced and gave birth to a Beautiful Daughter ~Chloe Jade~. We both held her, kissed her and loved her and will forever and the next morning when we left my husband just turned around and looked at the room knowing that that was the last time we had contact with her.
I miss her dearly and wonder what she would be like, whether she would be a chubster like her mummy and daddy, hair like her mummy or no hair like her daddy, if it would have been curly like her mummy or straight like her daddy’s was (sorry babe). She would be 6 months old in 2 days and I want her to know we love her very much and always will, if she could watch over us and hopefully you could chose one or two of those 17 frostie bubs to be your brother and or sister.
We love you Sweetheart!
Labels: Archives
posted by LiL Moo & Mee at
January 22, 2007
7 Comments:
Oh Shazz! I am so glad you're enjoying your break. You deserve it! Go ahead and take your time. Come back only when you're ready. Chloe is smiling with you and will always be the angel watching over you.
I so understand the whole break thing. I have never felt like that about a break from IVF till now. I think its knowing that there is more chance of a bfn than a bfp. and knowing that if you get a bfp you have 9 months of hell in front of you.
Take all the time you need. Don't do what I did and have a go in the next month or so when stress will be at its worse though. Get through the next month or so. That will be hard enough.
I will be thinking of you all that little bit more over the next month.
xxx
Tears.
Glad you are having a good break.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the break helps you.
Take care
I am so sorry for your loss. Your post brought me to tears. I am glad that your break is going well.
What a heartwrenching experience! At times the sadness must be overwhelming.
What an awful time you've had. And what a sad time for you with those difficult anniversaries. I'm glad you're enjoying the break. Hoping only good things for you.
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