Mothers & Mothers Day

What Grieving Mothers Want for Mother's Day

1. Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a simple Mother's Day card to let them know you remember that they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.
2. Acknowledge that they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you today." Removing the wall of silence gives a grieving mother permission to talk about her child.
3. Use their child's name in conversation: Saying the name of a child who has died is like music to a grieving mothers ears. One mother suggested, "Say his name and ask me my fondest memory of him from past Mother's Days".
4. Plant a living memorial: This is a wonderful day to plant a tree or flower bulbs in memory of the child. This is something that will live on as a beautiful reminder in the years to come.
5. Visit the gravesite: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's gravesite and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.
6. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.
7. Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the precious gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and your most lovely moments with them".
8. Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers suggested appropriate gifts of remembrance that would bring them comfort. These items included: an angel statue, a piece of jewelry, a memory box, a memorial candle, a picture frame, a library book donation, an ornament, anything personalized with the child's name or a date, books on grief, a garden stone or a toy donation in the child's name.
9. Don't try to minimize their loss: Avoid using any cliches that attempt to explain the death of a child. ( "God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ( "You still have two healthy children" or "She's in a better place").
10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered and take her mind off of her grief for an hour or two.

A Mother's Day Wish from Heaven - Jody Seilheimer

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appearA rather strange idea, I see everything from here.I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a cardA card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagineExcept I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.She is still a mother too, no matter where I resideI had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to knowThat though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the nightShe plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwellsShe writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earthI must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worthShe needs to be honored, and remembered tooJust as the children of earth will do. Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your bestI have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.Find a way to tell her, how much she means to meUntil I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.