May 25, 2010

Bitsa post

Do you ever just feel tired and it's not the I need sleep tired, you just tired.  Well that's how I'm feeling right now and the answers when I tell people are you just need to go to bed early. I'm wondering if it's just that time of year as my skin has also gone very dry, my nails are all spliting and my hair has gone like straw.  You really wouldn't think that autumn would do that more so summer but I guess our bodies just go through so much during summer it has to fall in a heap sometimes.  Well jsut thought I would share that with you lol.

The little man went to playgroup today and for the majority of it he open and closed cupboard doors!  I'm told it's normal for his age but I am scratching my head as to what the fun of it is, especially when they jam fingers then go back for more.  I'm going to ask him when his older but I'm sure he will look at me like an idiot lmao.  He also did some drawing although I call it dot to dot as he hasn't quiet mastered how to hold the crayons, but it's his first picture up on the fridge.....awwwwwwwwwwwww hee hee.

My friend goes for her beta in a couple of days so fingers crossed guys!!

Sorry it's pretty non eventful post today my brain left me about 2 hours ago when my son still hadn't had his sleep lol, hoping it returs tomorrow!

May 22, 2010

What's been happening??

 I have been MIA from mmy Blog for a while which I explained in my last post....so whats been happening in that time.....

Well we thought for some silly reason that we were pregnant as I was over 2 weeks late.  I have PCOS so my cycles were all over the place but since loosing weight (17kg or 37lb), they started to become regular but for some reason this one went on vacation for a while.  I have no idea why I would even think I could fall pg naturally, there would be more chance of it raining money before that happened.  It actually hit me a little bit to the point I said to hubby it felt like a BFN from a IVF cycle and they hurt.  I don't think it's helping that I am so craving another child and just don't think it's going to happen, I think its being pushed into please don't ask me because I don't want to say no to you as I know all the crying etc your going to go through pile. So I think I'm not asking him so I don't have to start the grieving process iykwim.

My baby boy started normal playgroup.  He has been attending premmie playgroup once a month but since the fires here there was no where I could take him and now the school has been rebuilt they are catering for playgroup.  So every Tuesday morning he goes.  Last week was his first day and I think he was a little overwhelmed at all the other little people around.  It took him a bit of time to relax and walk around himself but still being under 2 there's not really alot they can do for themselves yet and all he wanted to do was open and close doors.  I am still trying to work out what that fasination is no matter how many times the fingers are jammed!!
And talking about my baby boy I can't believe he is 21m or 17 1/2m corrected.....where the heck did that time go, I mean its only just feels like we just got him home from his 153 days in NICU.  The terrible 2's have started and I have sussed him out now and know when to just ignore it or put a stop to it.  My favorite thing is the tantrums on the floor, I have nearly wet myself laughing several times.

This is him playing on the bifold doors, he's inside and I'm out....he wasn't happy lol.  I just love him to death and am so glad he was sent to me.

As I mentioned I have lost more weight and I am the happiest I have been in along time.  I am wearing nearly 3 sizes smaller than what I was on the bottom and 3 szs smaller on the top.  I am a little disappointed with this winters fashion as it seems like the clothes are meant to be non fitting and baggy and when you have been wearing clothes like that for most of your life to hide the fat, the last thing you want is not to be able to show off what you have lost.  And in saying that this season fashion sux bigtime!!  One thing I got very exciting about though is I finally could fit into knee high boots of the shelf instead of having to find and pay through the nose for big calved ones!!  Only a big calved woman can understand how that would feel.

Finally this area is starting to get some colour back after the bushfires.
I love this time of year and this was one of the reasons we moved up here.  The whole town use to have these beautiful Autuum colours.  They are very slowely returning but it won't ever be seen the same again in my life time but I know it will return.
So that's about it for now, if I think of anything else I missed which knowing me I will off, I will post tomorrow.

May 21, 2010

Welcome to ICLW May

Hi and Welcome to my Blog.  Sorry I have been MIA for a while as I have been helping a friend do up her forum I am part of admin on.  Also my baby boy is getting older by the second and I'm not coping knowing he is going to be 2 soon and has started playgroup.
So here is a little about me and I look forward to reading about you :-)

A little about me is I am 39 and live in Australia, infact in one of the Black Saturday Bushfire effected area's. Married to a special man and I say that because he puts up with me lol. I also have a beautiful son whom survived being born at 25w.



I am infertile, I have PCOS and crushed tubes from scar tissue that has grown around my tubes thanks to a Dr that misdiagnosed my burst appendix when I was 16, so when we started trying to have children in my early 30's we had no idea why I couldn't conceive. After a laperoscopy where they knicked my bowel so 6 days in hospital and a month off work it was found I needed IVF and would never conceive naturally. My FS (fertility spec) told me he couldn't see why we couldn't conceive almost straight away. First cycle a BFN, 2nd empty sac but readings kept rising, D&C at 7w on our first wedding anniversary. Third, 4th & 5th all BFN, 6th BFP waters broke at 14w 5d, induced at 16w 2d gave birth to our beautiful girl ~Chloe~. Seventh, 8th, 9th & 10th BFN and after that we changed FS to someome that would do something different and listen to what we had to say.... she got us PG first go. Hospitalised at 18w due to bulging membranes, emergency stitch put in, stayed in hospital for 7w, waters leaking from 19 1/2w....great now I also have to contend with an incompetent cervix.


After continually being told I will loose him, I will go into labour etc I held him in till I had cord prolapse at 25w and had an emergency c-section. He spent 153 days in NICU & SCN, with collapsed lungs, pneumonia, infections, a machine breathing for him for 7 weeks and we were called in twice to say goodbye. When he came home he was on oxygen but being the determined boy he was he stayed on it 9 months instead of the 2 yrs like his Dr's said.
So now he is 21m or 17 1/2m corrected and you would never know he is a preemie. The 7 years of trying was so worth it, he is just a beautiful child that has alot of his great grandfathers facial expressions and heart (he never got to meet him).


We have 8 frostie bubs still sitting there and I am so itching to go back and try again but I know hubby isn't to fond about the whole idea as he said he could never go through the NICU experience again. So what the future holds I have no idea but I am going to cherish every moment of my son growing up incase I never get to experience it again. And if I do never get to experience it again then I have alot of emotions to start dealing with, including the mourning of 8 embrios.

Infertility has left scars on my life so please don't think I am over it because I have a child. My blog contains everyday ramblings, could be about M vomitting and me being a bad mother and letting him sleep in his smelly clothes then him paying me back, could be about my weightloss, or the new pup we have that pees and craps in the house after I have just taken him outside to go and even revisiting my past.


I am looking forward to hopefully meeting some new bloggers and would love to support those who are starting IVF or even those who have been ttcing for a long time, so come out, come out where ever you are!!

May 09, 2010

MIA

I've had alot on lately but will be back to Blog land tomorrow and do a catch up!

May 02, 2010

New Blog for Preemie Bloggers - pls pass the word!



I struggle to find preemie/premmie Blogs, so I have decided to do another blog called (for now lol) Preemie Bloggers.....original huh.  So if anyone reads this and has a prem blog or knows someone I would love to add you or them and if you could pass the word I would very much appriciate it!

Preemie Bloggers

May 01, 2010

Blog Designers Please

I was wondering if anyone could reccomend any blog designers out there.  I have another couple of blogs in the works and need someone to design them for me.  I sussed some out tonight but a couple of them had massive waiting lists or the lists were closed.

Can certainly tell ICLW is closed ..... its gone dead on here lol.

April 29, 2010

Sorry to my Blog Roll

I want to say sorry to the bloggers on my list that I have neglected over the past week.  This was my first time involved in ICLW and I must say it took a bit out of me lol, but I did enjoy it. 
It was so interesting to read so many different stories and lives out there, some good and some not so good but even the not so good were always so encouraging to others.

I think I will do next months as well, I think it's a great way to meet people and the feed back you often get, is so positive.  I truely hope that those waiting for a BFP, aceive their dreams soon!

Anyway again I am sorry!!

April 28, 2010

One Sentence Answers



Just wanted to do something different and would really love to hear your answers.  Now you can only do one sentence answers and no more than 10 words.

Describe yourself

Tell me about where you live.

Describe your Mother inlaw..and no not want she looks like!

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What is your biggest pet peeve?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



If a cow laughed, would milk come out of it's nose?
 
Where did you loose your virginity?
 
What does a good relationship look like?
 
If you had so much money that you wouldn't know what to do with, what would you do with it?
 
What was your most embarrassing moment?
 
 
Have some fun because thats all it is!!
 

April 27, 2010

Supporting a Friend

I spent the day chatting to my friend (on msn of course...phone bill would of been huge and I would of had to of left home before hubby saw the bill lol) who is currently going through IVF.  She is just about ready to go for her 4th try but this cycle will be a fresh cylcle...her 3rd one.  It just breaks my heart how worked up she was knowing what she has to go through again to maybe get a couple of eggs...yep poor responder.  And the hard thing for me is I am the opposite and would end up with mild OHSS so couldn't relate on that part, but as for her worry about the pain and the uncomfort, feeling misserable for a few days and then the stressing over the 2ww, then checking everytime you go to the loo, the blood test then the dreaded phone call................... I can  soooooooooo relate. 

It's true you know that the more times you go the harder it becomes which is the complete opposite of anything you try.  For me it was always going to be it was never going to happen, or my hubby would say we can't afford it anymore, or the worst thing...your FS saying it's not going to happen.  I was begining to know we were coming to an end lets face it after 10 transfers, how much more could I expect my hubby to go through....me I could of gone forever to achieve that dream, although don't know if the body would of taken me to forever.  And after we lost out daughter on our 6th transfer I really thought that was it.  But I think she is scared that she too will take as long as me, but I can't promise her she won't, I mean how do we know, it's just a waiting game. 
She had a good cry...well I couldn't see her but she told me she did and as she said it's something she just can't talk to her friends and family about as no one has been through it and understands what it's like and as much as her hubby does try it's not the same.  She is the last in her group of friends that hasn't had children yet which I know is the hardest. 

Her girlfriends took her out for a lunch a couple of weeks ago and called it her sending fertile wishes lunch which I loved, I mean what a great idea and to me that does show that they are thinking about her even if they fully don't understand....Hey maybe more women need those types of lunches!!  She's decided to take 2 1/2 weeks off work and for the 2ww she is going to park herself on the couch, watch nothing but crap on TV, eat chocolate, sleep when she wants too and by that she means during the day and just take it as it comes.  I always had to be kept busy which is why I never took holidays during that time except for once and I swore I would never do it again, I just thought too much, but as I said to her do what you have to do but promise me you will at least shower!!


Good luck Cat you know I am there for you when ever you need me!!

April 25, 2010

My Fire Burn't Town

I nearly cried this morning when I got up to check my blog comments.....there weren't any lol.  But thankyou to the 3 people that eventually did comment, it made me feel much better.  I thought how was I going to return a comment to no one lol.

It's autumn here now, one of my favorite times of the year.  I am so not a summer person I just hate being hot and the sleepless nights, I so love being able to rug up, but it's bushfires that scare me the most.  I live in one of the area's effected by the Black Saturday bushfire area's, our town was completely wiped out which included 500 houses.  We were one of the lucky ones.... 12 houses survived and our brand new house was one of them.  Don't know how because the houses on either side of us and behind us went and our home was undefended.

Below are some pictures of before the fires and now.
 
BEFORE

NOW


The Main St

BEFORE








AFTER

This part is called The Black Spur and goes for about 20km of pure windies and if you get car sick your in deep trouble.  Also logging trucks travel this road from dawn to dusk.






So as you can see alot of the burn't trees on the Spur have shed their bark and almost look normal.  The foggy on I threw in because that's what it's like during winter.  I have to travel down this road when going food shopping or to get to the nearest big shopping centre which is nearly and hour away.


Last year was our first winter here and this is what we woke up to which in a funny way looked dso beautiful on all the burn't rubble and landscape.  Alot of houses still hadn't been cleared from their blocks yet:



It's very slow rebuilding this town, it's been over a yr now since the fires went through and we only have 2 cafes and a real estate agent in the main st, and a little further back we have a small grocer and just recently a couple of petrol pumps that you have to pay by card, they are free standing with no attendants.  A couple of weeks ago the primary school opened and the community centre is currently being built.  This place was a dream but now it's like living in a new estate with houses going up in bits.  I hate that there is nothing up here and as much as people say it will all happen eventually but this is not how it was mean't to be when we decided to move from the ocean to the mountains and I honestly despise the person that lit this fire for changing so many lives forever...especially the 30 plus that died in this town.

I will do updates and pics soon and show you how many houses are being built right now.


April 24, 2010

Pictures of my Baby I waited 7yrs for

Born at 25w weighing 845g or 1lb 8oz


Now at 19 months.

The loss of life and potential new life - Opinions



I received some sad news last night about a lady I use to work with before I had my son.  I use to be a manager with Kmart which for the bloggers in America our Kmart is like your Targets not your Kmarts.  Anyway I found out that she had been murdered by her mentally ill partner at the age of 52.  She was always asking how you were, encouraging while I was ttcing and when I was pregnant, smile on the face most of the time but to have your life taken like that is just so sad.  See in Australia we have a huge crime rate but if you compair it say to the US or England then it's not masive although the gang violence and stabbings stats are flying through the roof at them moment, so when something like that happens it is headlines on the news.
So when I heard it on the news I didn't think anything about it, you sort of think oh here we go again but when you find out it's someone you know your heart just drops, you feel sick but I think it's more the way she was killed and that was stabbed through the neck.  I went to her Facebook page and there were all the tributes to her but there also was a picture of her and all of a sudden I found myself with tears running down my face........her poor children and more so her daughter that was there.  Her funeral was today and I know alot of my old staff members went and I wish I could of been there for them but I can't bring a 19 month old to a funeral and it was nearly 2 hrs away.


It really does get you thinking on how precious life is and how much alot of us take it for granted, but we too found that out with having a 25w prem.  They say you should live life to the fullest but sometimes life holds you back and all the material things come into it, as I'm sure to live life to the fullest money is defantly going to come into it!  I hope she is at peace now because something tells me maybe life with him wasn't that easy.  Rest In Peace E.




On another Topic I was wondering for any of you reading this and are going through IVF....If you had finished your journey and had embrio's left, what would you do with them.  Here my clinic offers, donation to other couples, donation to science or destroy them??  And the reason I ask is because htere is a topic discussion going on one of the forums that I belong too and its just interesting to gets others opinions.  Australia had a HUGE and I mean HUGE shortage for egg and sperm donations with waiting lists being over 2 yrs and now couples are flying overseas to access the sperm or egg donations.  Also surrogacy is only legal in 2 states so it's not really an option here although in this day and age it should be but our politicians are so damn behind here that religon is always bought into in although not publically.  I just don't understand how this country can be so backwards in so many things... and they call us the lucky country....pffftt.
We have 8 embrio's or frostie bubs as I call them and at this point I don't feel my journey is over as I would dearly love a 2nd child.  I think when if we do go again my FS wants to defrost all 8 and grow to day 5 (frozen at day 2 or 3) so maybe we might not have to choose as my sons cycle they defrosted 6 to get 2.  But the thought of what to do with 8 if we don't go back rips my heart out as I see them as potential children. 
In Australia you are only allowed to transfer 2 embies at a time, with over the past couple of years some clinics have dropped it to one as our twin rate went sky high and as some of you know twin IVF preg can have alot of problems and has a higher m/c rate or one dying than natural pg's.


So I'm just interested in what others have to say about it and I won't judge you and I hope others won't too.

April 22, 2010

Strong Women and Ramblings

It's amazing you know, this is my first time doing IComLeavWe and I have to say I have never met so many brave and strong women!  And how so many have not only been through IF but also have struggled with other things going on in their lives at the same time.  I am really going to enjoy this I think, just getting to know others and also finding similar people to what you have been through but giving you things to think about, making you realise things aren't that bad in your life atm and also giving you the chance to support them through what you have been through.  But it was very nice to meet the ones I did and more tomorrow.

Well I was dragged out for another walk this morning.  M is loving he can just grab your fingers and off he goes, but I swear my fingers turn blue sometimes with him hanging on so tight.  Last night hubby took him for walks down the hallway then let go and got him to try and walk to him....welllllllllllll anyone would think we have just taken his toys off him, he just lets out the most high pitched sqweel with a pretend cry but with no tears (of course) and thank goodness we don't have neighbours because I swear it sounds like we are beating him.  Tonight I needed to trim his hair (for the first time) as his curls on the side of his head were begining to head south.  Well if you have tried to cut the head of a 16m corrected toddler let me tell you you hope to god you don't miss and cut a mass chunk out from somewhere. 
So I put him in his bath and he lovvvvvvvveeeeeeeessssssss his bath.  I let him play for a while then thought I would sneak the comb in first followed by the sissors, mind you he hates his hair being brushed.  I combed he pushed it away, I started singing he was ok and then would do a quick snip....phew first snip done and no blood.  Tried again he pushed away the comb, tried again ....nope so now I have resorted to making animal noises from pigs to cows to chickens and managed to get some more cut.  this went on for about 20 mins so everytime he thought it was over I snuck the scissors in so can't promise its even but its passable and if hubby says he needs a haircut again he can give it ago!!

Not so good one the weightloss front this week, infact lost nothing which is a kick in the gutts.  I mean you try so hard and not a thing.  Don't get me wrong I am very happy with the loss Weightloss post but you don't want to have a week where none of that fat leaves the body lol.  Hubby once said maybe I should of shaved my legs and bits and maybe I might have lost some more .... maybe I should of done it on this occation, although getting off my arse would of been better but the first option is less strenuous.  See I hate exercise, infact I don't know if it's the exercise so much I just hate sweating .

I think I would be a great spokes person for exercise equipment!!

ICLW: April 2010- First Timer

Well this is my first time doing ICLW.........so welcome!!


A little about me is I am 39 and live in Australia, infact in one of the Black Saturday Bushfire effected area's.  Married to a special man and I say that because he puts up with me lol.  I also have a beautiful son whom survived being born at 25w.
I am infertile, I have PCOS and crushed tubes from scar tissue that has grown around my tubes thanks to a Dr that misdiagnosed my burst appendix when I was 16, so when we started trying to have children in my early 30's we had no idea why I couldn't conceive.  After a laperoscopy where they knicked my bowel so 6 days in hospital and a month off work it was found I needed IVF and would never conceive naturally.  My FS (fertility spec) told me he couldn't see why we couldn't conceive almost straight away.  First cycle a BFN, 2nd empty sac but readings kept rising, D&C at 7w on our first wedding anniversary. Third, 4th & 5th all BFN, 6th BFP waters broke at 14w 5d, induced at 16w 2d gave birth to our beautiful girl ~Chloe~. Seventh, 8th, 9th & 10th BFN and after that we changed FS to someome that would do something different and listen to what we had to say.... she got us PG first go.  Hospitalised at 18w due to bulging membranes, emergency stitch put in, stayed in hospital for 7w, waters leaking from 19 1/2w....great now I also have to contend with an incompetent cervix. 
After continually being told I will loose him, I will go into labour etc I held him in till I had cord prolapse at 25w and had an emergency c-section.  He spent 153 days in NICU & SCN, with collapsed lungs, pneumonia, infections, a machine breathing for him for 7 weeks and we were called in twice to say goodbye.  When he came home he was on oxygen but being the determined boy he was he stayed on it 9 months instead of the 2 yrs like his Dr's said.
So now he is 19m or 15 1/2m corrected and you would never know he is a preemie.  The 7 years of trying was so worth it, he is just a beautiful child that has alot of his great grandfathers facial expressions and heart (he never got to meet him).


We have 8 frostie bubs still sitting there and I am so itching to go back and try again but I know hubby isn't to fond about the whole idea as he said he could never go through the NICU experience again.  So what the future holds I have no idea but I am going to cherish every moment of my son growing up incase I never get to experience it again.  And if I do never get to experience it again then I have alot of emotions to start dealing with, including the mourning of 8 embrios. 


Infertility has left scars on my life so please don't think I am over it because I have a child.  My blog contains everyday ramblings, could be about M vomitting and me being a bad mother and letting him sleep in his smelly clothes then him paying me back, could be about my weightloss, or the new pup we have that pees and craps in the house after I have just taken him outside to go and even revisiting my past.


I am looking forward to hopefully meeting some new bloggers and would love to support those who are starting IVF or even those who have been ttcing for a long time, so come out, come out where ever you are!!

April 21, 2010

Bad Mummy Award

My little man is becoming more confident within himself everyday.  He's loving that he can now walk around although still aided but he thinks it's pretty good, especially now he can use his car or push walker to lean on whilst trying to raid higher heights such as draws.  Monday he wanted to go for a walk outside whilst holding my fingers, he did the leading and I just followed oh and held him up while trying to make sure he didn't trip over stuff on the floor as he was a little busy being proud of himself and looking at anything that moved lol.






Yesterday we spent the afternoon having alook around a shopping centre.  As I have lost weight I am in desperate need of some winter clothing and I must say this season just sux!!  Big and long jumpers, cardigans and shirts the look like flannelette.  So if I hadn't of lost the weight it wouldn't of made any difference as there is no shape to alot of it.  Anyway I could smell brewing from the pram below so thought I'd better go and change M, grab a coffee and muffin and give M some food.  Got myself organsied, sat down at a table and started to feed M, think he had pumpkin cous cous and just as I open my muffin bag I heard M whinge and when I looked at him he had a lovely water fall effect of pumpkin cous cous down the front of him and in his pram.  Now when he was little I could handle baby spew but when they get older and it really does smell like vomit it makes me want to do the same thing, but being a tough mummy I just grabbed hand fulls of baby wipes and mopped up as much as I could, although a hose would of been easier!!  Poor M he was so upset by it and to top it off his not so brilliant mother forgot a change of clothes for him too.  So I headed straight for Target but yep he crashed and there was no way I was going to wake him, so his pay back to me for not bringing his clothes was for me to walk around the shops for an hour with the woft of vomit protruding off him and all as I could think about was "please let no one else smell it"....I am such a good mother ...not.  I mean I let this kid keep his top on covered in spew just so I didn't have to wake him and try and get him to sleep again, just so I could have a little peace and look around.


When I got back to the car he woke up, so I changed his top and gave him a huge hug saying how sorry I was for letting my defenceless little man stay in his own vomit.  He just smiled at me which made me feel even worse, then proceeded to play with his toys in his carseat but don't worry payback happened when he decided he was going to stay up until 10pm, hypo as soon as he got home and then after me going to bed at midnight as I needed to get things done around the house (I just find it easier to clean etc when the house is quiet), he proceeded to wake at 6.30am.  

Then today he thought he would hold out on his day sleep till 3pm, where without a word of a lie I nearly left him to it and had a sleep myself on the couch until someone found the remote and next thing I know Postman Pat has nearly sent me through the ceiling.  so all in all I think he made me pay for the vomit episode although I'm sure it's not over !

April 18, 2010

Think I'm Boring!

I think I need to get out and find some mummy bloggers or even just life in general ones.  It's amazing that when you have struggled with IF for so long, then you suddenly have a child how quiet your blog can become. Don't get me wrong I do understand why as I too was once like that, but it makes you think whether your wasting your time doing this and maybe I should just go back to writing it all in a journal.  I do visit others blogs and comment but I guess I must be one boring blogger lol.  But I do thank the 3 or 4 people that do comment...you make me feel wanted lol.

I'm not one of those people that have the talent of opening my mouth and I have everyone laughing....I wish!!  But I am looking for funny women's Blogs, whether it's about life, kids anything as I love a good laugh.  So if you know of any pls pls let me know.  I need to escape reality sometimes and a blog that puts a smile on your face or you can relate to makes all the difference when your having an average day.

It's funny before I went MIA could just jump on here and just blog away, infact as sad as it sounds I actually use to lie in bed and think about what I wanted to write.  I almost wanted to get out of bed right there and then and go write but I knew hubby would of been a little unhappy with that not to mention I was working back then so going to do a 10 hr day with little sleep wouldn't of agreed with me lol.  Maybe I'm just too tired these days, I mean running after a toddler is exhusting, plus trying and I mean trying hee hee to clean the house and OMG don't get me started on choosing what I want for dinner cause that's a headache in itself lol.

Anyway won't waffle on anymore I really don't want to scare the readers I do have away LMAO.  Again if you can tell me of any good blogs or sites to find blogs besides stirrup queens I would be so appriciative!

April 16, 2010

Weight Loss

I've been on the weightloss train since last year and I have to say it's been damn hard work as I love my food way to much!!  I have always been chubby since school but as I got older it's not longer chubby it's call fat. 
I have tried Jenny Craig, Nutri-system (which went bust in Australia), Lite n easy... several times, Weight Watchers... several times, CSRIO diet and I know there is more. 
About 10 yrs ago I got Glandular Fever and I have to say that was the best damn diet ever!!  By the time I was well again I had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe and during this time met my future hubby......man I looked good!  But yep got to complacent, started shoveling again.  Then 6yrs of IVF drugs and trying to loose weight in between each cycle just added to the woes.  Then back in 2008 I was hospitalised for 7 weeks due to my cervix opening, was another good diet....between the 3 hospitals I stayed in I was lighter than before I was PG and I was 24w, the food was crap!!!  In Aug 08 I had my son at 25w and so typical I am not the type of person who can't eat when upset or stressed, so 153 days of hosptial food made not only my waist line but every other  line increase to one of the heavist sizes I have been 86.8kg or 189.1lb's also before I had M I worked in retail management and was on my feet for 10 hours a day.  Keep in mind I am only 155cm or 5ft 1", so weight makes me look like and oompa loompa and when I felt my knees hitting each other I knew what I had done....I was so ashamed for letting myself go, I promised hubby I would never do that.



Well as from today I am 14kg or 31lb lighter and am so proud of myself for doing it.  It hasn't been easy and trust me there has been lots of tears of frustration, especially when I have gained or stayed the same weight but when you see the clothes you use to wear no longer fitting you and falling to the ground you forget about the crappy weeks. 
I still have about 10kg or 22lb to go which I know are agoing to be the hardest but sooooooooooooooooo worth it!!  The weight I want to get to I don't think I was born at  LMAO.  So thankyou Weight Watchers finally a weight loss program that really does prove to me that you can eat real food and loose weight.

Now I have the problem of being between clothing sizes but more so our Autumn/winter fashion so far is crap.  It's shirts that look like flannelette, tight jeans, jumpers to your knees and cardigans and shirts that look like something my nanna would wear.  I honestly can't find a thing I like and ended up spending my birthday money which was suppose to be for clothes on my son, a handbag which I don't know why I bought because I carry everything in a nappy bag and costume jewellery which I sooooooo love.  Maybe I am not mean't to leave the house for 6 months!

AnywayI will keep you updated on the rest of my weight loss journey and maybe some pics.

April 11, 2010

From Mummy to Teacher


I feel I need to start taking M's development a little more seriously than I have.  He's now at the age where he is looking at us to teach him how to talk as at the moment all  as he says  is da da da, dad, dadda, daddy, ga ga and hey.  He will try and copy you but in baby moaning etc.  He is now 16 months corrected and should really have a couple of words under his belt.  I hate comparing him to anyone elses child and I said I would never do it, we always said he could develop at his own pace but he obviously needs help in the talking area...unfortunatly it's not something that I can just plug into him and it's programed into him, although in this day and age I am surprised it's not  lol. 
But because I belong to a few online groups such as preemie, ivf etc you tend to hear alot of what other toddlers are doing and deep down do start to think well why hasn't he done that yet.  I know he is going to surprise us like he has with everything else.....good old mummy starts to worry when is he going to roll, crawl, eat etc and one day he just does it!  So today I did some web surfing to find some Educational sites.......man there are some great online shops out there and I could spend a small fortune!!  There is so much out there that after a while your head starts spinning and you hope to god you have bought the right products!

I think I will get these

As much as I would love to buy more as there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much he is only 16 months and I don't want him to suddenly become overwhelmed, go mute and never speak again lol.  Now that I have found this website hubby is going to cringe as M becomes older..... hee hee.  So now when they arrive I put my teachers hat on and get to it.

I asked hubby about the so called terrible two's that people seem to say children go through, although some say it's more the three's now.  See hubby has been married before and has 2 older children so I have to say I am very lucky to be able to have someone to turn to and ask questions about M's development.  He seems to think that it's similar to what Maxx does now such as when he raises his voice when he cries even though there is no tears, or when he tenses himself up and goes red in the face....lets hope so because his mother has a temper too and two tempers together won't make a happy house hold lol.  I'd be the mother in the supermarket lying on the floor chucking the tantrum before he had time to do it.
God could you imagine hubby getting a call at work telling him to come down to the shops to collect his wife and child because they were both chucking a tanty on the floor!

April 08, 2010

M took his first steps!


My Baby took 4 steps by himself yesterday!!! Picture me crying here lol.  I tell ya no one told me him growing up was going to happen before he reached 2.  Funny how you can't wait for it to happen but when it does your so excited but the fear of independence sets in.  I am so proud of my 25 week preemie....he has both his parents pig headedness to just get in and do things no matter what others have said.  We were told that alot of preemies are delayed in developments but so far we are lucky.

Today hasn't been so much of a good day though.  I have never seen him like this before but he has been so clingy or as a friend said he has been a velcro toddler today.  He wouldn't go off and play which he normally does which is my time to either have a shower or clean up.  I would go to walk away and it was like he was tied to my legs, I just couldn't do a thing, if I sat he climbed on me, if I stood at the kitchen bench he would climb up and pull on my legs or  sqweeze himself between the cupboards and my legs, he even cuddled into me for ages.....very rare!!  I was hoping that after his sleep he would wake up to his normaly self but um no it didn't happen, it's like someone stole my child and gave me a imposter.


By the end of the day I was nearly in tears, it was just the frustration of not being able to do anything or leave the room.  Funny thing is, is that he settled down just in time for hubby to arrive home and me looking like a
Anyway hoping tomorrow is a better day or I may just lock myself in the bathroom and let him have the run of the house!

April 05, 2010

It's Over for Another Year

Well there you go another Easter is over, my son has more chocolate eggs than hubby and I have put together, everyone has gone home and I'm exhausted!  Sometimes you wonder why you put yourself through it all, I mean if your the host your continually running around making sure everyone is ok, then getting breakfast, lunch and dinner, then tea and coffee, then filling and unloading dishwasher, sweeping the floor, picking up, then trying to fit your own shower in and then you just can't be bothered eating a meal you have been looking forward too for a week.  Last night I found myself falling asleep on the couch with my back and my mouth open....thank god I didn't snore or even worse wake up with drewl running down my face..... although I am sure most of my family has seen it already.


M had a good easter, but being 19 months or 15 months corrected he still doesn't know whats going on, so hopefully next year will be alot more fun for him.  He did however love all the attention from everyone, but I do think by this afternoon he was over it, I actually found when he woke from his afternoon sleep and everyone was gone he wasn't looking for anyone and OMG it was so good to have him back to myself....I missed him.
This afternoon hubby and I sat on the couch, he got out the dips, cheeses, kabana and bickies and we just watched TV and played on the computer.  Then when M woke up he had a couple of mini easter eggs, lunch and we had a bit of a play with his toys till he just went off and did his own thing.


So tomorrow is another day and I have a house that needs cleaning from head to toe!