On the Road Again

Went for my scan this morning and I have one nice juicey 18mm follie sitting there ready to blow and good lining. My nurse seems to think that because of the size of it I may ovulate a day earlier so transfer could possibly be Thursday (fingers crossed).

I spoke to her about her advice on which FS she would recommend if we wanted to see a new one, she said they are all pretty much of a muchness these days but she would tend to lean to the younger ones which all happen to be female. She also suggested maybe we need to suggest more bloods such as chromosomes testing and maybe mention having another hysteroscopy done which we also had one done and fell pg straight afterwards.
So we're going to get through this cycle and take it from there.

Fingers crossed girls for #10 and I am scared shitless that this is never going to work again!!

Thankyou and More....

Thankyou all so much for your replies to my last post, honestly I never expected so many thoughts and wishes and I so love you guys for it.  To my surprise the day we got our BFN my DH said to me that he wants to go again, why surprised you ask (or maybe not lol) it’s because he has never said that before it was me who always pushed to do another cycle.  But we were sitting in our cramped little bedroom at my parents place and he looked me in the eyes and said I want to try again.  I had just automatically thought we would go again next yr as that’s what we all ways do at this time of year but I think he really thought we were pg this time.  So today I am on day 6 of my next cycle with my scan being Monday the 26^th am I an idiot thinking that this is going to work one day………. Probably, is there going to be a lot more tears and heartache……….. Defiantly, I am ready to give in yet…….. my head says yes but my heart says NO BLOODY WAY!!!

Beta Results......

BFFN

 Hitting double figures........... and you said it shouldn't take long for me to get pg!  Do i get my money back now??

Scared

Ok I am scared shitless there is no other word for it and at least I am being honest huh??  All the pains, twangs, twings everything is starting to make its move, it’s sitting there waiting for me to relax a little and then at the right moment it makes its move.  Well you know what enough, just once I want to make it to my blood test day a second time without you showing your ugly head.  

Chloe I know this was the same time I conceived you infact by 2 days and this was your time but would you think about sharing it?  Infact it would been an even more of a special time for all of us, but know you have never and never will be forgotten.

First Week Over.........

Well the first week is over and now the scariest part of the 2ww…..the last week.  This is the week where my fate shows me what is install for us, the week you spend most of your waking life in the toilet but are too scared to go there when you wake up in the morning, where every bit of feeling down there makes your body freeze.

  

E1 & E2 if you’re listening, you have two very loving parents here who want you so badly, with so much love to give that yes you will be spoilt rotten but so well deserved!

  On another note, over half the house was moved out today and put into storage, you can’t yell to loud it echo’s badly lol.  Honestly I am going to miss this place, it was our first house together and as you know my first pregnancy and my first loss of my daughter.  But we’re moving on to bigger and better things and with any luck a great Christmas present to go with it.

Day 3/4 post transfer

Had a strange day today.  Thought I would get out of the house for the first time since transfer and go to our local market then off to a scrapbooking shop to get some stuff for DH 40^th Birthday Invites, which might I say I have never done before so this will be a first me and yes I will post a pic when I do them lol.Anyway I ended up cutting the trip short and only got to the scrapbooking place.  I had a really uncomfortable feeling almost like I had done a lot of sit ups, you know the day after and the only thing I can put it down too is the 4 progesterone pessaries a day that I am on.  Unfortunately I had to go to the supermarket on the way home to grab some stuff and the heavy basket wasn’t helping.  As soon as I got home I dumped the groceries, got changed into my PJ’s and hit the couch and this is where I have stayed, well except for making dinner.Again this morning there was a small amount of brown but more like a pin head size, bloody pessaries pull everything out of you. 

I love it when DH rubs my tummy when I have had transfer. Tonight we were lying on the bed and he was rubbing my tummy and he does it everynight we can even be laying in the beanbag and he will just lay there with his hand on my tummy.  As I couldn’t sleep DH went to bed and when he said good night he rubbed my tummy and said night E1 & E2 (Embrio),  this time he is treating me like I am pregnant and when we talk over the phone he always asks how the bubs are doing, not to mention he will say “well you are pregnant “…….. Babe I hope your right and thankyou for thinking that way. 

Now progesterone pessaries……….. they would have to be a male invention, only a man could come up with something I have to insert into myself and the ones I have look like a miniature vibrator.  I wake up in the middle of the night feeling it ooze out of me, have to run to the toilet before it hits the sheets and then have to do it in the morning too, lay there for another half hour before I can get up and then continually ooze out for the rest of the day not knowing if its AF or you have sprung a leak.  Us women would of designed something we could eat and chocolate coated at that or at least when you put it into yourself it has a catcher that opens up to catch any run offs. 

We’ll see what tomorrow brings, hopefully another day closer to good news.

Thanks for your comments everyone, the encouragement is very much appreciated and needed!!